Losing her

Dear Aria...

I never thought this would happen. She was me. She was my world...

I miss you. You were, and still are, my best friend. My sister. The other part of me I never knew I needed. We used to talk on FaceTime for hours on end. We would see each other everyday at school. Talk non stop, even during classes. Even if we weren't allowed to we snuck our phones. You were the one person I told everything to, like what's going in my life, stuff I don't even tell my twin sister. Every crappy day I had I would go talk to you. If I was feeling bad I would go to you. But then you moved. And you said you would keep in touch. No you PROMISED ME. Why did u break your promise? I haven't even seen a single text from u since skating. And then out of the blue u text me one single FUCKING line saying, "fuck off don't talk to me I'm blocking you". I don't even know what's happening. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something? Did I mess up? Why? Why did u do this? It hurts so much not to see u smile, laugh at my horrible jokes. Or just sit in comfortable silence when we had nothing else to talk about. It hurts because I don't even know where you are. Or if your ok. Or if you just don't like me. Maybe never liked me. But if you never did why would you stay with me for these FOUR years?? I just want to hear your voice. See your face. See you smile. I just want to know your ok. That nothing bad happened to you. Or is happening to you that's making you do this. I kinda get Riley but Jessica, and ME, why me?!? And why at the same exact time. the same day same time. 12:30-12:40 You texted us. I just want to make sure my best friend is ok. That she is happy. That she isn't hurt. I just want to talk to you. Why would your parent not let u on ur phone during school. That's what they used to do. Did they make you send that? Is every thing ok at home? I'm worried. We haven't talked in just about a month. That's the longest I've not talked to you since 6th grade. It's weird cause you said u probably won't be able to talk at all. That's weird right? Who would not let their teenage daughter, that's moving across the country not have her phone so she can talk with her friends? Is she ok at home? She would have told me right? If she's not ok? She would have trusted me right? Would she have? I didn't know how much I loved you (platonically) until u left me. I know that's 'cringy' but it's true. I never realized how much help you were. You helped my through the hard times of anxiety over quarantine last year. Through the not eating enough losing weight depression I went through. You were my rock. The one thing that held me down when I though it was all too much. You saved me and probably don't even know it. Maybe never will know it. And that's the sad part. I don't know when or if I'll ever see you again. You said you'll be back, but you also said you would never hurt me. And you did, u hurt me when u blocked my on Instagram. When you left me in delivered on snapchat. When you left me with no text back on messages. You hurt me when you left. I know it's not your fault but I just need you right now. And I don't have you. I need you to help with my eating. To help me through this dark time in my life. The anxiety. The depression. The numbness to everything since you've left. Not know how to process what's happening. If your ok or not. I emailed you on you SCHOOL email and you still haven't even responded or even seen for that matter. I just want to know you are ok. You aren't dead.  I'm just so worried I don't even know what to do. My parents think you were hacked. Hell u might have been, but that was just Instagram. U haven't answered anything I've sent you on all platforms. I was so desperate I even emailed you. I know right, me emailing. I just need to know you are alive and ok. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to do anything without you. You were my glue that stuck me back together. And now your across the country. In Iowa and I never even got to say goodbye one last time. Sure we hugged sit we never got an actual heartfelt goodbye. I know you said u were coming back in 13 weeks but, then you said three months, then you said six months. I don't know what's happening to you. You said you would be back. So I guess that's what I have to hope for. That u will be back. That maybe I will see you again. But for now I just want one text, email, snap, anything to let me know your ok.