Why Captain Bonfire is the WORST person ever!!!!!

The only chapter.

I'm gonna tell you why Captain Bonfire is a bitch! first off, he is obsessed with fucking world domination. it's very annoying that Bonfire wants to do this. it's like he tries and tries, but our hero Captain EO thankfully saves the world. what's bonfire trying to do? copy a Pinky and the Brain episode?! because each time, he literally fails to rule the nation. Next, he threatens to kill people or send them to his dungeon. like one time, he told his younger brother Surprise if he keeps doing a pull-my-finger joke, he will threaten to murder him at 2:50 a.m.!!! What the ACTUAL FUCK?!?! that's so messed up! yes, that was back in 1976 when Suprise was 5 and Bonfire was 8, but threatining to murder someone at a young age?! that is literally fucking messed up. Speaking of young people, he fucking tried to disguise as Captain EO and glue Trapson Onto the wall back in June 24th 1995. Luckily, the real EO came home before that happened. thank fucking god!! but I still don't know why the fuck Bonfire wasn't in jail after that!!! And if being threatening to get murdered or glued onto the wall was bad enough, he sings like crap!!! seriously, his voice is so loud, raspy and scratchy, it makes Travis Scott's singing sound angelic. I HATE TRAVIS SCOTT!!! But, we'll mention that later. anyway, the only way that Bonfire sounds good is that he lip syncs to his twin brother's songs. what a motherfucker he is! even a 5 year old white spoiled brat throwing a huge scene in Target over a baby shark toy sounds better than him! (No, I do NOT support racisim or any other racist propaganda!).  I bet if you saw him on American idol, Lip sync battle or America's got talent, he would barely get the prize. He also has a stinky ass! sure, many gassy people have stinky asses like him and EO. but Bonfire has the most stinkiest ass in the history of arses (No, I am not british!). like, he farts a lot! I bet that's why Bonfire's farts and burps smell like a toxic wasteland sitting in the sun for 95 years. speaking of toxic, he smells so terrible. It's like he never shaved or puts deodorant his armpits at all. and his hair is all jacked up like heck. he never combs, washes or brushes his hair. I bet his hair only looks like EO's handsome curly hair is that he only glues it down with permiment hair gel. And to top it all off, he has a rip off band to the ragtags called the flimflams. like what the fucking hell?! so basically, the flimflams are a bunch of evil clones of the good ragtags who bleed everyone's eardrums.out with terrible heavy medal rock covers of Captain EO's hits. Bonfire is not even that close to being a good singer. his terrible singing voice and terrible lip syncing abilities makes the sound of  nails on a chalkboard sound like fucking heaven. speaking of heaven, when Bonfire dies in 87 years, he better get kicked out of heaven and go straight to the pits of hell and burn there while EO is enjoying his life in heaven for 87 years one day. Remember kids, if you see Captain Bonfire, run and call 911 or report this to Captain EO and the police!!! and that is why Bonfire is the WORST person ever!