Si Commander at AKO?!

Corps Two

After ng 1st monthsary namin ni Jm, hindi niya na ako tinext pa. Siguro dahil nagalit siya kasi umuwi agad ako. Siguro dahil gusto pa niya ng oras para saaming dalawa. Siguro... Siguro... Siguro... Puro ako siguro kasi hindi ko naman alam ang dapat kong isipin.

Nasasaktan na ako. Namimiss ko na siya. It was hella 3 days since he last texted me! Gusto ko siyang makita at maka-usap. Kung nasa saakin kasi ang mali, ibababa ko ang pride ko kasi mahal ko siya. I want things to be cleared especially kung tungkol ito sa relationship namin. I cannot hella bear kung tatagal pa kaming ganito.

I check my cellphone again, hoping for a text message from him, pero nadisappoint lang ako kasi wala parin. Ano ba kasing problema? May mali ba? Nalilito na ako, naguguluhan at nasasaktan.

"Shy, im sorry" automatic na napalingon ako sa katabi ko ng marinig ko iyon. It was Lenylyn, one of my Bestfriends.

"Bakit ka nagso-sorry? May kasalanan ka ba saakin?" she look at me then umiwas agad siya ng tingin. What's her problem?

"Pinsan ko siya pero hindi ko alam ang trip niya sa buhay. I dont want to see you like this. Umaasa, naghihintay, nalulungkot, naguguluhan, at nasasaktan." she said to me without looking at my eyes. Napayuko ako dahil sa narinig ko.

No. I dont want to hear it. Ayoko pang tanggapin ang what if's. Ayoko pa siyang pakawalan. Masyado ko siyang mahal. No. Please, wag pa naman sana.

"Lyn-"

"Shyne look- he's not worth it. He's not worth for all your love and time. May mas better pa sa kanya. Please stop being a martir. This is not the Shy we know." pagputol niya sa sasabihin ko sana. I smiled at her, preventing the tears that are about to escape from my eyes.

"What are you talking about? Are you on drugs Lyn?" pabiro kong sagot. Things should be handle easily.

"STOP PLAYING SAFE SHY! Alam kong alam mo kung anong ibig kong sabihin. Wake up Shy! Hindi ka mahal ni Jm! Hindi ka mahal ng pinsan ko! He's just playing around!" sigaw sakin ni Lyn. At sa mga narinig ko, I realized one thing- MASAKIT PALA.

Our conversation was ruined when my phone rangs. I answered it.

"Hello?-- Zechs, why? Nakita mo si Jm? ahh, sige. Thank you" pagkatapos ng tawag na iyon ay agad kong tinext si Phill at tinanong kung nasaan si Jm. He immediately replied 'Nasa Bahay nila. Go there and talk to him'.

Alam kong sa buong duration ng paggalaw ko, ay tinitignan lang ako ni Lyn.  I can even feel the tension between us. After I thanked Phill by replying him, I stand and look at Lyn.

"Tumayo kana diyan. Let's go to your cousins house and stop this insanity." at sabay na kaming naglakad palabas ng bahay.

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Nandito na kami sa gate ng bahay nila Jm. My heart is pounding so fast na sa tingin ko, hindi na normal ang pagtibok nito. My hands are also sweaty and im really really nervous.

We went inside the house and saw Jm seating on one of the chairs at their garden. He's eating something. I was stucked up there ng makita ko siya. I missed him. Gosh. I really do.

Binulungan ako ni Lyn na siya muna ang kakausap kay Jm at bago pa ako maka-react naka-alis na siya. Wala na akong nagawa kundi sundan siya ng tingin. Ng makalapit na siya dito, ay nakita kong biglang umiling si Jm at kahit hindi ko rinig ang pinag-uusapan nila, kinabahan parin ako ng todo ng makita ko ang bibig niyang gumalaw and it says, 'ayoko na'.

Kusang napagalaw ang mga paa ko papalapit, and each stop closer, my heart is beating faster and faster. Nang makita ako ni Lyn na lumapit ay nag-excuse siya at umalis. Siya naman ngayon ang nasa kinatatayuan ko kanina. And it only means, kami nalang ni Jm ang natira dun.

"Jm-"

"Ayoko na." napatigil ako ng biglang pinutol ni Jm ng isang buo at malamig na 'ayoko na' ang pagsasalita ko. I look at him, with pain visible in my eyes.

"Ayaw mo na?Why?" hindi ko inaalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. Hoping na baka joke time lang ito, but hell, it was real. Because he just gave me a cold stare in return.

"Why? Why Jm?" I repeated my question.

"Selosa ka kasi at isa pa ayoko na talaga. Tapos na tayo Shy. Wala na." malamig niyang sabi sa akin. I smile. Not a fake one but a real smile pero andun parin ang pain.

"Is that so?Sige, I understand. Thank you for 1 month. Goodbye Jm." after i said those words ay tumalikod na agad ako. But as i turn my back at him, all my tears fell.

Nilapitan agad ako ni Lyn and hold me tightly. Together we walk away from that house. I walk away from him. It's over. I know that this day would come, but i never it expect it to be this painful. Ang sakit-sakit kasi ganun nalang yun. Alam ko namang sa buong 1 month ay ako lang ang nageffort at nagmahal. Alam kong ako lang ang may malasakit sa relasyon namin pero hindi ko na yun inisip because i was too blinded by my love for him.

Letseng love yan! Ginawa ko na lahat para maging karapat-dapat para sa kanya pero wala parin. Ano ba ang mali sakin? Ano ba?

We went to the church to find peace of mind at para maka-iyak narin ako ng bongga. Umupo kami ni Lyn sa isang bench dun and right after my butt touched the stone bench, I cried. I CRIED HARD. I CRIED LIKE I LOSS HALF OF MY LIFE. Lyn is just there, caressing my back. She's not talking but I know, she wants me too feel that im not alone.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pag-iyak when we heard someone spoke.

"Bakit ka umiiyak?Hiniwalayan ka ng Boyfriend mo?" pagtingin namin ni Lyn, it's the Parish Priest-Fr.Felix.! He's smiling at me so i smiled back.

"No, nagpapraktis lang po ako" I lied to him. Pero sa halip na sumagot ay ngumiti lang siya the said "Youre so Good", then left us there.

Im so Good? Then if I am Good, i think Not good enough. Dahil kung sapat ang pagiging Good ko, why did my Boyfriend (ex-bf) broke up with me without a valid reason?

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Unedited.

Typos.

Wrong Grammars.

Im so Sorry :(

Thanks for Reading ^_^