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Chapter 1.

I couldn't stand here so uselessly. I had to look for him. Another pub crawl, possibly alone? Or maybe he was somewhere else entirely. I considered the heartbreaking possibility of him leaving, so simply packing his things and going home. But I knew he wasn't so selfish - he'd at least leave a note. Or not. I wasn't so sure anymore, ambivalent of who he was at all. As of late, he'd become something I feared I didn't know. Someone distant and cold; similar to who I remember from our vicious departure those years ago. I dreaded to think what could become of us if he'd gone sour once more. I screwed up my eyes, shaking my head slightly in detest. I couldn't bear to imagine.

The rain audibly cascaded from the roof of the bus stop shelter down into the streets darkened deluge. The faint glow of headlights and street lamps glistened in the endless trickle of water, and for a moment it felt as if I was still in England and not hopelessly miles from home.

"Think we should head back." Perry's nonchalant suggestion startled me but I didn't look up, still stuck in thought. His hand slipped upon my shoulder in an attempt of comfort. "It's pissing it down, doubt Simon's gonna be out here." He tried, but I selfishly jerked from his touch. "He's got to be! I mean, we searched the hotel." But in all honesty, I knew Simon could be just about anywhere by now. It had been hours since he went missing and I was surprised Perry even wanted to help me look for him. His spiteful tactlessness had struck a nerve with just about everyone he came in contact with the past few weeks. I wondered if he even deserved my time. But knowing right from wrong was no longer in the picture. It was in my nature to sought him out. I had learned that in the many years we spent together. I was tethered to him - not by choice, but without capability.

"Teddy...you know I can't just leave him..." and there it was, the overriding guilt from feeling far too much for a man who had the inability to do the same. He was reckless. "I know." Perry sighed. He knew as well as anyone. But that didn't stop me from feeling such a fool.

"The bar from yesterday, could he be there?" Perry questioned, staring vaguely into the inky concoction of different litup, neon shop and bar fronts. I shrugged in a growing-frantic strop, chewing on my lip in anxiousness. Tears were shamefully welling in my eyes. I was scared to know what this situation would become - for my best friend as well as myself. But still, I refused to move. "It's four fucking blocks away." But what I meant to say was; I didn't want to risk sobbing childishly infront of strangers. "Isn't it better to try?" Perry's straight thinking might have well of been a kick in the arse. His gentle hand made its way around my waist this time and I exhaled, relaxing into his warmth. The company was more than welcomed. "C'mon, we'll find him."

Huddled together, we awkwardly hobbled across the road with our shoes splashing through the mud-drenched puddles in our hurry.
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"Think we made a wrong turn somewhere..." Perry's lack of direction certainly wasn't giving me the confidence I hoped for, but all the back alleys were starting to look the same to the both of us after a while of begrudgingly exploring the unknown streets. "Shit." I mumbled, stomping my now-soaked-through trainers into another overflowing drain. "I don't bloody remember the way from yesterday!" Perry lashed, assuming I was blaming it on him. He turned away with a grunt, aggravatedly shoving his hands into his jacket pockets to pull out a pack of cigs. When he couldn't light one in the heavy rainfall, he too stomped his feet.

"Right. Well I'm not standing out here anymore." I decided, looking around at the very few options of shelter. "Let's just go in there and wait it out." I said, gesturing to a bar-looking building on our left. A red electric sign stating open flickered on and off on the door, and that alone was enough convincing for me. It wasn't what we were looking for, but my patience was wearing extremely thin in the biting wet weather.

Perry had no choice but to follow as I darted to the door and pushed my way inside. I was greatful be in the warmth at last, yet a quick glance at my surroundings and I knew this certainly wasn't the sort of place I had in mind. Perry tumbled in behind me, almost instantly patting me on the back with a humoured chuckle. "Jesus, Robert." He laughed uncomfortably. Multiple bodies; men packed tightly together, dancing beyond the bar. Their leather garters and lack of clothing made our overly-clothed, sopping wet selves look more than out of place. Blaring techno music, increasingly stuffy air and vivid strobe lights made me nauseous even from a distance.

"I think we should find somewhere else-" I turned to grab the door handle, yet a sudden voice grabbed my attention. "You two are soaked to the bone!" I spun back around to see a stranger, no one I knew - a tall young man with a bony hand outstretched. I noticed his beguiling, dark features almost instantly and stopped in my tracks. "May I interest you gentleman in a drink?" His strong accent was strangely alluring, even from the few words he had said. "Um..." I turned to Perry, who was now looking at me like I had two heads. "Yes, okay...thank you." I was surprised at the humbleness in my voice - surprised that I'd even said a thing at all. I didn't want a drink at a time like this, let alone to be in such an enigmatic place. I feared we could be spotted by fans - by anyone. But, it was too late and the kind stranger was already beckoning us toward the bar. And my dignity continued to fade.

"Poison?" The blonde, youngish bartender smirked, taking in the sight for sore eyes infront of him. My gaze was fixed on the various poles hooked with lean, erotic, exotic dancers being showered with cash and wolf whistles. Unsteadiness was beginning to set in, I was far out of my comfort zone; plagued by my own ambiguity playing tricks on my already vulnerable mind. "Do you do pornstar martini's?" Perry asked. Now I was the one looking at him in shock. "What? We're here now ain't we?" He snickered. His point was fair, we were practically stuck here unless we wanted to brave the torrential rain again. "Make that two then..." I tutted to the bartender in defeat.

"I recognise you boys." The strangers inquisitive words sent quick twinges of
perturbation through my chest. Uninvited, he pulled out a stool and sat down next to us. "I know all the locals and you two definitely aren't from here." His prying sounded almost threatening. "We were looking for our friend." Perry spilled. I harshly kicked at his ankle. I wished he'd keep his mouth shut. I wasn't in the mood for any further questions. Our drinks were then sat infront of us. Greatful, I took a sip. It was almost as if Simon wasn't a priority and we'd given up. I took another sip, allowing Perry to do the talking.

"Is your friend the type to come in here?" The man asked. I almost spat out my drink - mortified at the idea of Simon's instability leading him to such a place. "He's not like that." I stated defensively. He nodded in understanding, yet, I was startled to remember that the heterosexual facade our band conveyed was nothing more than a sham - a cover up for the press. I felt sick. It was true. Simon could be here. His faithfulness toward Carol had fallen short lately, sending him spiralling into a pit of uncertainty and fear. A quick fix had always been the short-term answer for us both. Our sensual nights alone together, spent rolling around in the secrecy of bed were often the aftermath of disagreements with our wives. Simon knew my upset with him after his coldness proved I was unworthy of helping him this time around. The more I thought about it, it was inevitable he'd end up somewhere where a temporary release was offered around the clock.

"I can't stay here..." I mithered, struggling to rise to my feet. It was all too much, my head was beginning to cloud. Even if Simon was here, I definitely wasn't sticking around to find out. But once again I was met with Perry's persisting. He pushed me back into my seat. convincing. "Hang on a sec, why don't we at least dry off first?" He smiled, almost patronising. I wondered why he was so persuaded to stay, though questioning seemed useless. "Fucks sake." I muttered, draping my forearm across my brow in misery. "Tonight wasn't supposed to be like this..." I was glad no one heard that as the bartender unexpectedly handed us two more fluorescent cocktails. "On the house." He smiled wide. I furrowed my brow. "I'm coming to the show tomorrow night." My stomach dropped at those startling words. Embarrassment - shame twisted my insides and I bit my lip hard. A terrible gut-wrenching feeling rose to my throat, I snatched my glass, practically guzzling the whole thing. The bitter passion fruit stung my throat. Pathetically, I coughed. What a fool I must've looked, taking the piss out of myself. I felt so shallow, so low.

"Are you two in some sort of band?" The unfavourable stranger - who's name I wasn't interested to learn - chimed in. "Yeah...thank you for the support." Perry hesitantly lauded. The atmosphere had become suddenly stiff and I knew he must've been feeling the same tension as I. "Thanks for the um...drinks." I needed to pack this tragedy up immediately. "We best be off now." I couldn't conjure up an excuse from the top of my head. I just needed out.

Yet, this time, no one but the alcohol stopped me from standing straight. I staggered slightly, grasping onto the bar counter for support. "Steady on, mate." Perry was then at my side, obviously not having finished his drinks as quickly as I had. I blinked slow, attempting to gather my thoughts, but they'd all sown together and I laughed in slight dizziness.

"I know where you can find something stronger." The stranger offered. I swallowed painfully. His hand was luringly held out once more and this time my increasingly befuddled state of being couldn't resist reaching out to hold it - willing to follow.