—So lets see how this goes
Ok. Hear me out, reader.
Orange juice. Is. The devils. Spawn.
Yes, you read that right.
Don't give me that look! Stop that. It's fucking... just... gross. Especially if it has all that stuff in it! What's it called? For some reason sperm comes to mind but I know that's not right-
Who cares. I'm tired and can't think of the actual name, so orange sperm it is.
Orange juice with the sperm in it is just... gross.
It's like Satan just shat directly into your glass and said, "Here, drink up! I made it just for you <3!"
And I'm not talking about a normal shit. I'm talking about diarrhoea. Long, sloppy— ok, you get the point.
Apple juice however, is like God cried non-salty tears of joy into your cup and said, "you have no idea how good this shit is!"
God probably wouldn't swear. But IDC cause I'm not really religious so god can be whoever I want it to be! Haha. That's right. It.
Pennywise is god.
That's why you'll float too.
Up to the sky.
🎈 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈 🎈
Ok wtf is wrong with me tonight.
I'm not usually like this.
Am I?
Psssh naaaah.
Uggghhhh school is so annoying.
I just had to write a whole bunch of shit about Julius seizure.
Haha.
See what I did there?
Cause he had epilepsy.
Actually I didn't even speak about that.
Fuck.
Ehh. I'm sure 3 hours of sprouting information is good enough for at least a c? Right? Like I just want to pass.
Hmm.
Julius the salad.
Julius of Asgard
Burdened with 23 stab wounds
Probably none were as deep as the one his heart got from that guy ditching him. Whatever his name was.
I didn't write about that either.
Haha gonna faiiiil this course.
A bald ass man walks into view in a roman toga with "dictator 4 life" printed across in a trendy fashion.
It's Julius Caesar.
He holds up a meaty hand to silence the crowd ("WE LOVE YOU JULY! SO MUCH WE'LL NAME A MONTH AFTER YOU!" "YOU CAN CROSS MY RIVER ANY TIME!" ) cause apparently they thought he was drop-dead gorgeous. Get it? Cause he... whatever.
"I AM JULIUS!" He yells. The crowd shuts the fuck up, "OF AESGARD! AND I AM BURDENED WITH 23 STAB WOUNDS." He spreads his arms and the wounds suddenly appear.
The crowd cheers. That's right, he's always been a great speaker.
"ALL OVER NY WHITE FUCKING TOGA! FUCK YOU, SENATE! AND YOU, BRUTUS. SLY DOG! IMMA LIVE ON SPIRITUALLY, UNLIKE YOU SHITHEAD! I-I HAVE A MONTH NAMED AFTER ME, A SALAD, CALENDAR SYSTEM (cause I had to do a whole new one cause y'all fuckers dunno how to count), A WAY OF GIVING BIRTH! (would have been real fucking useful if it exists red when my daughter gave birth but noo she just went and DIED. ungrateful.), AND I HAVE A COOL ASS NEPHEW THATS NOW MY SON!" Out of fucking nowhere SaladMan[tm] pulls up Octavian. "This is Caesar!"
"But my name is Octavian?"
Julius Caesar tightens his grip on his newly adopted son's shoulder. "This is Caesar!" He affirms.
"Ok ok..." Octavian mumbles. "Then I guess I'll change my last name too! Augustus it is."
"Augustus?" Someone questions.
"It means great leader or some shit." Oct—Caesar Augustus shrugs.
"I have one last thing to say before I die and descend to hell— I mean rise to heaven to join my fellow gods cause I'm definitely a god! And thst is..." he pauses. "Fuck you Mark Antony."
Mark sobs. "But I never did anything to you-"
Caesar begins to rise.
"You were just a rebound baby, no one could replace whatsit face."
Mark sobs louder.
"I'm coming Pennywise!" Julius whispers as he floats up through the clouds.
Aaand end scene.
I'm gonna have a crisis today 🙂
Hope you didn't enjoy.
(Pub 17-18th August)
It's past midnight now-
YOU ARE READING
Scattered One-Shots
Fanfiction**This is rated mature as a precaution: I tend to swear sometimes. There is also dark themes, such as torture, bullying, abuse, and more. To be honest, I have a feeling I'll use this book as a way to vent so... There will probably be angst etc. *...
