Undesired

Entry 7

Dear Diary,

I was hurt. I was sad. I was disappointed. A bundle of emotions that went through me quite unexpectedly. If you were to ask me why I felt this way, I could give no answer. I was clueless too. It was just weird. A moment of vulnerability. That pinch in my heart. That pain.

And I just had to walk past him so many times that day. It was as if fate was playing with me. My life was beginning to feel like a joke. A ridicule. It was as if Fate was telling me, "I'm not letting you have him, but I'll just have fun dangling him around you, with no way to come closer or do anything, and keep you constatly wondering why. Muahahahaha!"

What I did then was, oh wells, I just couldn't be bothered anymore. I was thinking for myself. I was letting myself feel. So, I did the next best thing; literally looked down the entire way to the pantry. I could feel his eyes on me, as if he wanted to make eye contact. Or perhaps, it was just my wishful thinking, or that annoyingly optimistic part of my brain.

Then, the next day came. Again, fate was playing with me. I just had to see more of him. At that moment, I knew that my life was literally a joke. This time around, I felt his worry. As if he was worried about my state when he saw me the other time. As if he wanted to approach me and ask. As if he was curious. As if he cared.

But....

He....

Never....

Asked.....

It's official; my life is a joke.

The Undesirable Me