"The very thing that distinguishes us both
is that I wouldn't hesitate to choose you in every lifetime
but you wouldn't even choose me in this one
and although I gave you my flesh and bones
I know I cannot love you into loving me
so there you are overflowing with my love
and here I am pleading for a droplet of yours or whatever I could salvage
but there must come a time where you recognize that to grieve someone
hurts a lot less than forcing them to be a part of you
and I know I should not beg for love
but just once I wanted someone to be afraid of losing me" - kieravanderkolk
i really wouldnt hesitate. i love you and everything you are and everything you stand for and everything you see with every flaming fiber of my being. but you couldnt choose me in this one even if you wanted me so. i would choose your every time. i would let you break me time and time again. i would let you hurt me. i would let you love me. i would let you care. i would always love you too much and myself not enough. because i am not enough. i want to show the world the way i see you. i want to so abby the way i see you. i want every girl youve ever liked to see you the way i do and express it to you in a prettier way than i can. i want things to go right for you. i want you to be happy, but you cant be happy with me. and that hurts. it hurts so bad. im choosing to believe, in some other lifetime, i did things right, and made you happy, and i played the cards, and i won the game. in another lifetime, i won you. i got you. youre who i want. if you were to read this you probably wouldnt read on to this point but youd go "im really not that great" you modest fuck. i wish you saw you the way i did. youd be so painfully content with yourself. if i knew how to love you right i would. please know i would. if i could love you the way you want to be loved, id do it in a heartbeat. if i could change to be who you want to a T i would in a blink. which is why im glad you wouldnt want me to change, because i wouldnt want you to love me for someone im not, which is another problem because you couldnt love me for me. idek me. im tired and still hurtinh.
