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Why?

Have you ever woken up feeling like the worst being on earth?

Like the most disgusting thing ever made?

Like you don't want to breath anymore?

I feel like this every morning,
Talk less other times of the day.

I had woken this morning with Helena, my step sister, slapping the hell out of face.
The reason is unknown to me.

I think daddy didn't give her enough money
And I honestly don't know what it has to do with me.

I am showering, bearing the impact of the cold water during winter because Helena had paid someone to cut off hot water operator in my bedroom bathroom.

"You don't deserve anything, you murderer.....the most annoying part is that you are a filthy abused animal.
Living with you is hell." She had said this morning while beating shit out of me.

I wonder how she whips with those monster nails.

I just wish I was as tall as her.
Or beautiful as her.
Or strong like her.

I would have done something. Just something.

I couldn't even tell dad because I am never enough for him to talk to.
Always in my room.
Not once since my mum died has dad spoken to me.

I think it is because I am something he needs to trash out.
A waste of resources
Something that is not worthy of his love.

That was why he married Kiara.
My step mom.

She is worst than my dad in attention.
At least daddy still provide my needs and doesn't verbally abuse me.

She is the worst.
It hurts because all she says is true.

Murderer.
Ugly bitch.
Useless child.
Nothing.
Trash.

And the most truthful and painful one.
Nothing.

I am nothing.
Not to be even compared to even inanimate object.
Nothing.

And there is nothing more painful than that.
So I wonder,

Why?
Why can't I be the best like Helena?
Beautiful like her?
Why?

If I could be up to half of her
Maybe daddy will talk to me
Maybe Kiara would love me
Maybe I will be better to myself

______________________________________

Oh my God 😭😭😭
I feel so bad for writing this

Don't feel too bad
Things would get better

Don't forget to vote
Love you😘😘