Part 3

35 1 0

by Ostentatious27

by Ostentatious27

Some time has passed since tryouts, most of the girls who tried out for the team made the team, the ones who didn't make it were the very few who had little to none playing experience. I started to talk to Dinah more frequently but that's only during practice. Anthony and I have been getting closer, he asks me to hang out a lot, sometimes it'll be just us, I don't mind because we're friends, but I don't know if he's interpreting it in some other way. Don't get me wrong, Anthony is pretty attractive and very kind to me, but I just don't know if I have any deeper feelings, sometimes I feel like I'm broken, I'm supposed to feel happy and get butterflies, but I just don't feel it, maybe I am broken.

My thoughts are interrupted by Normani dropping her bags in front of me she sits down and lays her head down on my desk "what's wrong now mani?" she looks up towards me "I'm in trouble and I'm tired" I haven't really spoke to Mani about what's going on in our lives lately "what do you mean in trouble?" I question "I think I like Andrew" this shocks me a bit but honestly it doesn't really surprise me, me and Justin once talked about how Andrew had a crush on Normani, Justin made me swear that I wouldn't tell her but we basically became fangirls, I wanted Normani to be happy, we all did but we don't think she'll be truly happy with Noah "wait what? what happened to Noah?" "Noah and I are always fighting, I'm tired of it, plus we broke up, I haven't told you since I'm so busy with dance and you with soccer" I look at her "I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you" I felt bad that I haven't spent too much time with her "I'd like that" she said we a reassuring smile.

As I'm stretching my legs after practice, I see some girls sit down in front of me, I look up and it's the trio "Hey girl, can we sit with you while we wait for our ride?" Dinah asks, "yah totally, I don't mind" I look towards Ally, and it looks like she's pulling out some homework from her bag "gosh Ally you're such a nerd" Camila said with a small laugh, I liked it when she laughed, the sound of her laughter feels like it fills my brain with dopamine, I feel at ease "so Lauren are you dating anyone?" I hear from Dinah "I'm not dating anyone, are you guys?" Ally quickly turns "Dinah and I are single, but Camila has a boyfriend" and with that being said any hope I had went away, maybe I had a chance if she liked girls "that's nice, who's your boyfriend" I asked looking at Camila "his name is Austin" she says with a big smile. We continued our conversation until their ride came to pick them up and we said goodbye and I put my headphones in to listen to music as I laid on the grass waiting for my mom to pick me up.

As I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling trying to relax my body after practice I heard and felt my phone vibrate somewhere on my bed. I find my phone under some blankets I had tossed aside. I unlocked it and saw a message from Normani.

Mani: can I ask you something?

Me: yah, what's up?

Mani: Do you like Anthony? I know you get annoyed when people ask you these types of questions, but I've noticed how close you've guys have gotten, and it has me wondering.

Me: If I am being honest, I don't know. Maybe?

I don't know how to tell Mani that I also might like girls. How could I? I can't even accept the fact that I may be interested in girls or a girl. I have known Mani for a long time, and it just almost feels harder to tell her I don't know why. When I'm surer of my sexuality I'll tell her but right now I can't do that. I'll settle for a maybe.

Me: why do you ask? Do you know something?

Mani: I'm only telling you this because you're my bestie and I tell you everything.

Mani: Anthony was asking me questions about your love life, asking if you were single or talking to anyone, we talked a bit more and he told me that he started to like you again. He said he was nervous, and he doesn't want to mess anything up like he did the last time you guys dated.

Mani: DONT TELL HIM I TOLD YOU

Me: haha okay I won't say anything to him about it but thanks for letting me know Mani I appreciate you. Maybe this will help me make a choice. I'll see you tomorrow at school, love you <3

Mani: Love you! see you tomorrow<3

with that our conversation ended, I placed my phone down next to me and laid back down on my back, so I faced the ceiling. Maybe it would be good if I dated Anthony, maybe he'll help me forget about me questioning my sexuality. The easy way out. It feels very wrong to do that, he likes me for me and that's why he wants to date me, but I want to date him so that I don't focus on the fact that I might like girls. I'm horrible I know but I'm just afraid, I don't want things to change. I rolled over to my right side and a tear fell down my face, everything felt very overwhelming and not fair, and I couldn't hold back some tears anymore.