Edward sighed, he was so fucking depressed for having spent centuries alone in his basement. Ofcource he had been getting those gains bro. He is a vampire that cannot consume human food except for redbull-vodka and vegan protein powder.
He takes three twenty liter jars an hour and fills them to the brim with the vodka-redbull and vegan protein powder mixture and chugs it down like a highschool preeteen with beer.
"Mmmm that is magnificent!"
Screamed Edward.
His muscles expanded and destroyed all his clothing like the hulk but white pale.
Edwars the sexy vampire turn towards his bathroom mirror admiring the lewk.
"Damn I look goals af"
He again screamed like a sexy psycho.
But the feeling soon passed and he starting violently crying.
"I...I....I.... am... depressi..ion...."
Edward threw himself into the mirror dramatically with not a single cut on his perfect sexy skin.
He was always truly perfect, a true sexy emo vampire boy that died under the spanish flue. But still a boy. 17 is legal for him I promise.
"I need to find a mate to cure my mental illness but she needs to understand my struggles. I've been alive for so long that everyone I've ever loved have I had to seen age and like it was nothing they passed"
He started violently vomiting everywhere.
"Ughffhfugyffufyfyfy"
Said Edward.
It was true though. He would go on to live forever which meant a single human timeline was for him like a small piece of sand. The only thing he had was more time to forget. And get more ripped in his basement.
Edward cheered up at that thought and laid down in his vomit doing a million pushups a second.
Tomorrow he would go find a mate. At the local highschool. He wanted to go younger but the laws where in his way.
--- Next morning, a rainy monday ---
He circled around the school in his white van. He could have gone running way faster but he needed to be more down with the kids. He parked his van hidden slightly by some bushes and ate 69 icecreams.
White swirls topped off with white powder of pure silky smooth vegan protein powder.
His tounge fingered the icecream looking at the kids. Which one would he get? Its like his Christmas.
"Hehehehehehhe"
Edward laughed insanely
-Hi I'm Bella Swan we should fuck.
Edward looked at the pale brunette then smashed her petite face in with a deep kiss.
-Yes you are my wife now. I'm a vampire. I will completly gaslight and abuse you until you become dead vampire.
-Yes my master,
said girl without name
The thing that attracted him to Bella was that she was in a wheelchair.
Normal bitches can get fucked. He needed someone likeminded that would understand his depression.
They see me rollin' They hatin'
Bella laid knockout on the carfloor as Edward blasted his totally awesome music headbanger.
His life was now perfect but something was about to suprise him,
and turn both Edwards and Wheelies life around.
His Iphone ultra vibrator 420 rang in his pocket the sound of a huge alligator-lion.
It was his ex.
"Edward I have taken your bitches father hostage, bring me the girl and I will spare him"
- The story continues in Chapter 2
