The Joining

Author's Note: Hey everyone! Warning - this is basically 17 pages of smut. Read at your own risk.

This was actually really difficult for me to write. I have been working on it for weeks, and I still don't feel like it's quite right. I'm really interested to see how JLA handles this because it honestly feels really unnatural, and I am someone who will die on the pro-joining hill.

Anyways, let me know what you think, and maybe how I can improve this in the future.

"Okay... So this isn't tomorrow's problem anymore?" I asked, fidgeting with my dress.

I narrowed my eyes at Cas. He was trying so hard not to burst into laughter. Kieran looked as unbothered and bored as always. I, on the other hand, could feel myself blushing from my head, down to my toes.

"No, princess. It's time we talk about this." He rubbed his hands together and waited a moment as if searching for the words. "We've waited too long," Casteel said.

Kieran snorted. "That's an understatement."

I refrained from punching him in the arm, but I brushed my fingers against the wolven dagger strapped to my thigh. I was probably going to have to use it at some point in this conversation. The three of us were sitting in the living area of my and Cas's chambers, the two of them on the couch and me on the chair across from them.

"As I was saying," Cas gave Kieran a sharp look. "With the war with the Ascended on the horizon, it could happen that Kieran and I are struck down in battle."

My heart constricted at the thought of losing them. Cas, my heartmate, my husband. And Kieran, whose banter and humor I had grown to depend on to pull me out of my darkest thoughts. I looked between the two of them, a flutter of panic in my belly. They couldn't leave me. I don't think I would survive without them.

Cas reached out and squeezed my knee, probably knowing where my mind had gone. All humor was erased from his face, and even Kieran looked somewhat serious now. I didn't even have to try to use my gift anymore, it just happened. Both were feeling a mix of the same things - apprehension, anticipation, and the chocolatey flavor of love.

"You do not have to do anything you don't want to Poppy. I know you know this," he said before I could interrupt and tell him exactly that. "But I need to tell you again. Your blood is yours to give. And if you do not wish to bond the three of us together, nobody would hold it against you. Yes, if we were struck down in battle, we would be able to survive, but you are the one who will be at risk here, Poppy. You are the only one who would be making a sacrifice. I need you to know this. Kieran and I," he swallowed. "Kieran and I would be the ones making you vulnerable."

I felt a wave of frustration coming from him and apprehension from Kieran. I looked between the two of them. "What? What are you not telling me?"

The two shared a look, communicating silently. It was Kieren who spoke up. "Cas didn't want to bring up the joining to you. He doesn't want to make you more vulnerable in battle. I told him that you would have gotten angry at not having a choice."

My heart softened at that. He was right. I would have been furious if they had made this decision without me. Even if I choose not to do this, I would go to sleep knowing that it was my choice. I searched their eyes. I couldn't imagine my life without either of them. It was my blood to share. It was my power to give. And there is no one else I would rather share my immortality with. I searched for any hint of doubt but found none. I had often thought that my life would end after my ascension. But this was only the very beginning. The vampry had already taken so much from me. Queen Ileana had tortured and enslaved my husband. She had destroyed the lives of hundreds of thousands. She had indirectly caused the deaths of my true parents. Not my parents by blood but the only ones I had ever known. She would not take the two people that meant everything to me.