"There's just no way I have feelings for her," Donghyuck mutters as he paces back and forth. "Again."
Yangyang is getting dizzy from his constant movement as he just sits and watches quietly. It was four in the morning when Donghyuck had burst into his dorm room with a panicked look on his face and Yangyang was worried until he found out what it is he's so frantic about. He started blabbering about his past feelings for Saeryeon and how it seems to be coming back, but he tries to make up excuses to prove otherwise. He doesn't want to accept the truth yet.
"Why do you keep denying the fact that you're in love with her?" Yangyang sighs, so close to literally smacking some sense into him. He has had enough of his best friend's stubbornness.
"Because I'm not." Donghyuck argues, the confidence in his tone wavering. It is such an obvious lie to everyone but him who still wants to believe otherwise. "Why do you think I'm in love with her? Why does everyone think that?"
"The pining in your eyes is crystal clear, Hyuck," Yangyang says. "And friends don't look at friends the way you look at Sae."
"In what way do I look at her?" Donghyuck asks.
Yangyang smiles, "Like you've been in love with her since seventh grade."
Donghyuck tenses up and tries to find the words to say, but couldn't. Because he did actually have a crush on her back in seventh grade─that is when it started. All of a sudden, this unfamiliar feeling arose in his chest from just her mere presence, and he was confused because that hadn't ever happened before. She didn't make his heart flutter until that day she randomly did without even needing to do anything. He's had several crushes before her, but none of them made him feel as strongly as she did─does.
And when he realized that he likes her, he just hoped it would go away. He was young; he didn't know what else to do with the romantic feelings that bloomed out of nowhere. So, he bottled them up and tucked it away somewhere in the depths of his heart. He didn't think that it would resurface someday like debris washing up on shore with the help of the waves.
"What got you so quiet?" Yangyang says with that annoying, smug smirk on his face. "Is it 'cause I'm right?"
Donghyuck huffs, "I hate you." Because you're so damn right.
The next day, he can't concentrate in classes partly due to his lack of sleep, but it is mostly due to his recent epiphany. It is all that ever plagues his mind since the previous day, and he can't stop worrying about what to do. Should he tell her? Or should he wait for the feelings to go away again like he did when this first happened? He doesn't know. What he does know though is that he doesn't want to lose the friendship he and Saeryeon have, and her knowing how he feels would probably cause a severe rift in their relationship─if she doesn't reciprocate.
If. Hanging onto that if feels like hanging onto a thread that is about to snap at any second. A hopeless sigh escapes his lips for what seems like the hundredth time, and Renjun who is quietly eating a sandwich beside him is starting to get annoyed. He urges Donghyuck to man up and just tell Saeryeon, but that is easier said than done. Admittedly, he's a coward and as much as he wants to finally get the heavy weight off his chest he is scared to find out what will happen if he does.
"Oh, look, it's Saeryeon." Renjun says, peering over Donghyuck's shoulder.
"Yeah, sure," he scoffs. "You've fooled me twice, but you won't this time."
Renjun rolls his eyes. "I'm actually serious this time," he says and averts his attention to the young woman they have just been talking about not too long ago. "Hey, Sae."
"Hey, Renjun," she greets him back and Donghyuck freezes hearing her oh-so-familiar voice. "Hey, sunshine."
Renjun nudges his leg under the table and he finally moves and lifts his head to look up at her. "Oh hey, Yeon," he says, trying to act as normal as he can. "How'd tryouts go?"
"Good. There were a lot of potentials," she replies and steals a handful of fries from his tray before taking a seat beside Renjun in front of him. "What're you two still doing here?"
"Just wanted to hang out here in the cafeteria for a little while." Donghyuck says and Renjun snickers. It's a lame excuse to cover up the truth that he was actually just waiting for her. But, of course, he will never tell her that.
"Was actually just keeping Hyuck company, but now that you're here," Renjun pauses and stands up, "I'm gonna go. I still have a lot of errands to run."
Donghyuck's eyes pleads him to stay, but Renjun ignores it and gives Donghyuck a teasing grin as he walks away. In this moment, he just wants the ground to eat him up. It is so awkward for him to be around her now that he finally came to terms with his feelings for her, and he really wishes he didn't. Things were so much more better when he hadn't acknowledged it yet.
"Is it okay if I crash at your dorm tonight?" She asks, subtly but not so subtly stealing some more of his fries. "Yuji told me she's coming back with a guy tonight and I do not want to go through what I went through yesterday again."
"Of course," he says. "You're always welcome to stay over. I don't mind and I'm sure Mark doesn't either."
When they arrive at his dorm room, it is quiet and all the lights are off, but the natural light from outside seeping through the windows doesn't make that noticeable. Great, he thinks, it's just gonna be me and her. It isn't that he doesn't want to be around her, the problem is being around her doesn't make his erratic heart calm down.
Everything she made him feel before is coming back... but did he really get over her the first time? The answer is obvious: no. He was still in love with her in secret all these years, he just got better at hiding it, but from himself. And he didn't find out until now that he is finally true to himself how strongly love can make one feel.
"Gonna borrow a shirt, hope you don't mind!" She informs him, but he doesn't have the chance to reply as she is already in his room. She comes back wearing his red and white striped shirt and his gray baggy sweatpants. "Okay, I lied. It wasn't just a shirt."
"You look good in my clothes." He says, trying to supress a smile.
"Thanks," she beams. "These are mine now."
He mumbles, "I can be yours, too." But she doesn't hear it.
