A Way Around Indecision (An ER Fic)

I'm Not SRY

Laughter came from inside the apartment. John and Dennis sat in the living room, chortling and joking, just like they used to, as if nothing happened. It was that exactly; not once did either of them bring up what needed to be. They were happy just to be in each other's company.

"Okay," Dennis picked up his empty glass and headed back to the kitchen for more beer. "but if you had to, what would you do?"

"Help someone out of a burning building or save someone from drowning," John recounted out loud as he leaned back against the cushions. "Not much of a difference there."

"Okay, smoke inhalation or water in your lungs, how's that?"

"Again..."

Dennis plucked an apple from the bowl on the counter and bit into it with a healthy crunch. "Just pick one," he insisted, mouth full of fruit.

He meandered to the stereo and clicked it on. "How about neither?"

"That's not fair!"

A monotone hum of boredom and disinterest left him as he kept rapt concentration on the CD cases, reading each one with scrutiny. "Spice Girls?" He let out an airy chuckle. "Yeah, you're not gay."

"You're right, I'm not," In response to the surprised look John shot him, he went on to say, "I don't know what I am," His features scrunched slightly while he briefly mulled it over. "Or maybe I do but haven't come out yet."

"You don't have to. I only came out to you," John's straight eyebrows knitted together, suddenly recalling the moment going differently. "Actually, come to think of it, I didn't, we just made out."

"Still got the point across," Dennis tilted his head to one side, trying to get a better view from the kitchen of what that lanky hunk was doing. "Hey, don't turn it up too high, alright?"

He turned to give him a glance that was between 'Are you kidding me?' and 'I'll do what I want.' A faint smirk on his face was enough to bring a stifled chuckle out of Dennis. Amidst the hip-hop and r&b discs, he found a jazz compilation album. He stuck it in and backed away, swaying along with the music.

Seeing him like this, calm and happy, gave rise to a warm smile. It had been far too long since he had. While revelling in the image, Dennis drifted towards him and held him from behind, his chin resting on John's shoulder. The smell of the man's cologne made it impossible to resist him. He leaned down to kiss John's neck, half expecting him to recoil. When he didn't, Dennis took it further and hiked up his button-up shirt, then slipped his hand down to undo his belt. That he reacted to.

John grabbed him by his wrist and pulled his hand away. Strong and unequivocal horror and disgust filled his eyes.

"Sorry, sorry," Dennis took a few steps back, holding his hands up in apology as John shrunk away completely. "I've just missed being with you."

"Then tell me that, don't try to fuck me!" John snapped. He recoiled, almost terrified of him.

"Okay," he spoke in a low, soothing voice. "I said I was sorry."

It hit him. Why did he react in that way? Was he actually scared of him or was this just the hormones talking? Apprehensive eyes flicked over every inch of Dennis, wondering what he thought of him now. These unpredictable and uncontrollable mood swings were becoming a pain in the ass.

Though he was distracted, he had enough sense to know where he was about to plop down; right on the sofa. His expression was blank and featureless until he looked up at Dennis. "No, I-I'm sorry," he said, faltering. "I... I don't know why I did that."