Writing Hour

A Mad Fat Man's Diary

Day one.
Mum told me to start a little diary or journal so I can improve my mental health. This is supposed to help with my self esteem and what not. Honestly it feels stupid only girls or loners write diaries.
But I mean... Any thing to make mummy happy.
Don't like the dark much so gotta make her happy. Don't need a case of the Tummy Rumbles.

Day four
It's helping a bit writing I think. I mean I tore out the last few pages because they felt stupid. But honestly I think I'm just afraid.
Afraid that if I put it on paper it'll be true. I said diaries were for girls and.... Well losers.
So if I write one then. Well I mean.
Damn maybe I am a loser.

Day 10
I tried dieting lately, well I say dieting but honestly I just started skipping breakfast. I look in the mirror and see a big ball of lard. I'm tired of seeing a big ball of lard.
There's...more I think under all this fat.
I know it.
I think mum knows it too.
Maybe she'll love me more when I'm skinny.
This time I control the tummy Rumbles.

Day 27
The rumbles
They're getting better.
They're getting worse.
I eat once very three days.
I can feel it.
I can see it.
I think.
My body can handle it.
I know it trust in my body.
We'll be pretty.
Mum always wanted a pretty child.
Fat boys can't be pretty children.
Ugly is all we're meant to be.
How many fat pretty boys do you know?
None.
None at all.
They don't exist.
So this I'm fading.
I don't want to exist.

Day 68

Skinny
I wish I was skinny.
Mum why can't I be skinny like everyone else?
Is it the food we eat?
Is it the way we're born?
Do I not exercise enough?
I want to be pretty.
Mum why can't I be pretty?
Why am I stuck as me?
This god forsaken flabby thing.
I feel the tears run. They run. And run. And run.
Oh god I'm crying.
Will that make my skinny?
Will crying help?
I feel so exhausted.
Why won't it go away.
Why
WHy
WHY!!!!
I look and look
And look
And look look look.
Always starring at imperfection.
Staring back at me.
Wishing it could be.
So very skinny.
So very pretty.
For me.
For mummy.
Please don't leave.

Day 82
It hurts mum.
It hurts so much.
I feel so numb.
But my tummy keeps eating.
It's eating me mum.
I can feel my bones.
I think I'm skinny enough mummy.
Please I let me out mum.
Please I need.
I need the rumbles to stop.
It's been 5 days since I last ate.
It's so dark, and dirty and smelly down here.
I'll be a good boy.

Day 98
Mummy left.
The pages...
I ate the pages I didn't like.
It's so dark.
I'm so hungry.
But I'm pretty.
I'm skinny mummy.
So why'd you leave?
Why'd you say...
Your baby boy was ugly?
Will I always be a monster?
Can monsters go to the clouds when they die?
I just want...
I want...
I want you to love me.
Even when I'm not pretty.
Good bye mama.
I'll see you later.

GT7 News Report.
[Jacobs Drawner was found dead and locked in his mother's basement at the age of 17, cause of death was starvation. The police came to the house after two months of absence without doctors notes. A concerned teacher phoned in concerns after the student's outbursts, unhealthy weight loss, and rapidly deteriorating mental health. When the teacher discussed this with his mother she allegedly blamed his father who recently walked filing for divorce. And told the teacher she would take him to a hospital to get properly checked out. We later found a suicide note addressed to her son as well as her ex-husband blaming her death on the both of them. Saying "Taking care of this imperfect creature for the last 18 years of my life, were 18 years thrown away. I will not continue to raise this failure for a second longer especially when you walked out on him first. Jacob... I hope you'll make a prettier demon than you ever did a human. "
After the further investigation the police reported that she had hung her self three weeks before her son died. He survived off eating the roaches and his own feces for days before becoming too week from malnourishment. The autopsy confirmed several pages of paper had formed a ball inside of his stomach causing severe ink poisoning on top of starvation... This is all we have today on GT7 News see you again at 10 to ight where you could learn 7 interesting ways to pet your cat.]