Praised to be a mom- A Marina Story

Chapter 1

Before you start reading, here is a little information. In this book, mental illnesses such as depression, PTSD and eating disorders are named and sometimes described from the point of view of the protagonists. The issue of rape also comes up. I won't be giving a trigger warning before each chapter so please feel warned now. If you decide to read the book anyway and you realize that this is triggering you, then please seek help before you do anything to yourself. If you feel comfortable, you can also write to me.

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Today is the anniversary of Maya and Carina's wedding. The two have now been married for a year. Maya has to work and Carina is free. Arriving at the police station, Maya talks to Andy about Carina's desire to have children. This topic only comes up more often between the couple now that Maya is no longer a captain, but Maya is unconvinced about becoming a mother now. The two fight constantly and today, of all days, the argument has escalated so much that Maya can only think about the fact that the marriage was too hasty."What if it wasn't a good decision that we got married now? Why didn't I just listen to you Andy? You told me to wait, but what if this marriage ruins everything? Carina made a compromise, but I- I just can't do it, I'm not ready to become a mother."- Maya notices how her chest is getting heavier and she can hardly breathe."Maya try to breathe in deeply and breathe out again. You get into it. You both knew that at some point this topic would come up again and again. And you can become a mother. Since you met Carina you have made so much progress, you allow emotions and you can also take this step. You are not alone."

Those were the only words Maya needed to calm herself. Andy is right. She's made great strides. The others now call her a wimp or softie and Maya doesn't mind anymore. She's happy that she has this soft side that Carina brought out in her. But can she really be a mom?

She tries to get free from the thoughts and to distract herself. Luckily the day is quiet today, the team spends their time together cooking and cleaning up the hall, so Maya doesn't really have time to think about the argument at home until she looks at the clock and sees that she has only two hours until the shift ends, but before she can think again about the fact that she only argues with her wife at home, an assignment comes in. She and Andy are called to an apartment where a pregnant woman has most likely attempted suicide. Both get into the ambulance and drive off. Arriving at the apartment, a little girl, 8 maybe 9 years old, opens the door for them, standing in front of the two firefighters, covered in blood and crying. She points to the room where the mother-to-be is. Maya and Andy run in, past the girl and into the living room. There the woman lies, both arms cut open and unconscious. The carpet is covered in blood but that's not the only liquid on the carpet, the woman's waters have ruptured. Andy looks at Maya then at the girl.

"Take care of the child, I can do this. Maya nods to her and goes to the girl, she takes her in her arms and turns her away from the room, she doesn't have to see any more than what she has already seen. This is scary for such a young girl. She goes into another room with the girl and squats in front of her that she is on the same level and takes her hands in her own. 

"My name is Maya, can you tell me your name?" The girl shakes her head, takes Maya's hand and turns it so that the palm is facing up. She writes her name with her finger.

"Sofia? That's a beautiful name. Can you draw your age on my hand for me?" She smiles supportively at the girl. Sofia smiles back and shows her age with her fingers, then looks down at the floor. "8 years? You are very brave for your age Sofia. Is there someone we can call? Your dad maybe?" At the word dad, Sofia flinches and starts to cry, her whole body shaking.

Maya is overwhelmed. What should she do? She's never really been good with kids, another reason she doesn't want one. She just decides to hug her. Sofia is startled and winces at the contact, afraid Maya will hurt her, she breaks the hug. "T-t-I'm sorry." Maya looks at her. "You don't have to apologize, I went too far, I'm sorry." Sofia just nods and directs her gaze towards the living room again. Suddenly Andy calls Maya to him. Maya gets up and goes into the living room Sofia follows her. "I'm ready, we can go to Grays, will you help me?" Maya nods and goes to help her put Sofia's mom on the stretcher. Then she goes to Sofia, we're going to take your mum to the hospital, you can put something on and then we'll take you with us. Sofia nods and leaves the room, two minutes later she comes back with a backpack and her teddy bear. Maya and Andy push mom out of the apartment into the ambulance, Maya helps Sofia in and Andy drives off. Arriving at the hospital, many doctors who want to help mom come, including Carina. She looks at her wife, who is now holding Sofia. After a quick glance at her wife, Carina now directs her full attention to the mother-to-be.