Unforgivable (An F1 story) *discontinued*

The worst night of my life

A/N I have decided to let this story see the light of day on Wattpad mostly because I couldn't shake the plot idea and so I thought I should post it. Negative comments aimed at me will not be tolerated. If you do enjoy this story please don't forget to vote and/or comment.

 Lost. It is how I feel after seeing that photo. I understand that he was drunk and had no idea what he was doing. It is no excuse because I still feel betrayed. What if she wasn't the only one. All of these thoughts are running through my mind as I head towards a nice restaurant to meet with Nikita. I hate the fact that it is raining tonight because it reminds me of a majority of sad scenes in movies. I don't like the feeling of dread. Normally I'd be excited to see Nikita since being on different teams makes it hard to see each other. I sigh as I park the car in one of the few vacant spots. I grab my umbrella as I pull myself out of the car. The good thing is the dash to the waiting area is quick. A soggy Nikita soon pulls me closer. I recognise his team colours on the raincoat. I find myself giggling as I pull myself away from him. My dread is pushed to the back of my mind. Even though I will end up breaking up with him tonight I still want to enjoy my last date with him. It doesn't take long for us to get settled. The good thing is I am quick to find something that sounds nice. After thirty minutes of various conversations and nibbling on the food I have finally had enough. I need to know the answer to the question that has been hanging at the back of my mind.

"Nikita I need to ask you something and I need an honest answer," I can feel the negative emotions working their way up. He knows I'm being serious since I am not using his nickname.

"You know you can ask me anything," He responds. I take a deep breath.

"That photo-," Nikita hangs his head in shame which gives me the answer I need. I find myself leaving the table in frustration. I know I should give him a chance to explain but I don't think I can. My head is not in a good space to listen. I need to sever my ties with him so I can have a clear head for the upcoming Formula 2 race. I can feel Nikita grabbing my arm.

"Bugger off Nikita. You've had your chance," I aggressively break free of his grip. I wince at the pain in my arm but the desire to run away has overcome the feeling. I know there will be a bruise on my arm so there will be questions tomorrow. It doesn't take me long to make it back to my hotel room. I collapse onto the bed. At least my duties tomorrow will keep me away from him. It has been a couple of days since the failed date and I somehow managed to get the car on pole despite my mood. The good thing is I am able to hide my emotions. It is a trick that I had to learn as a woman in motorsports. Even though I have hidden my emotions from everyone there is one person I did disclose my struggles too. My teammate and best friend Robert Swartzman. He has the ability to put a smile on my face even when I am at my worst.

"Hey Jos," I get caught by surprise as Robert pokes me in the side. I was not paying attention since I was absorbed in the data whilst listening to my pre-race playlist.

"Hey, Robert. You know I need to concentrate," I remark as I pause my music. I quickly pull my headphones around my neck so I can listen to what he has to say.

"No, you don't. You have already won the championship. come on let's get something to eat," Robert responds. I am glad that he wants to make me happy but I just need to finish the last race well.

"Sorry, Rob but I already ate," I responded. I tell him a white lie since I'm not really in the mood. After what feels like an eternity of waiting the lights go out. I managed to launch the car without any issues. I am impressed that I am also able to miss the normal chaos at turn one.

"Just so you are aware Mazepin is closing the gap," the team principal announces via the radio. Great. My day just got a whole lot worse.

"Ok, I'll try my best," I responded. I glance at my mirrors just to make sure he is right. Well, he is. I take a breath as I get to work on defending. The funny thing is Nikita is a risk-taker. Little does he know I have a plan. After five minutes of what I assume is Nikita teasing me, he finally makes a move. I try my best to keep my position but it feels like he is trying to push me off the track. The thing is I am not the kind of person that gives up easily. I mean I would not have made it this far if I rolled over like a dog. I can feel the wheel of Nikita's car hit the side pod of mine. I let out a string of curses as the cars end up in the gravel. At least I am far enough ahead to take the championship. I struggle to try to think positively but I know he hit me deliberately. Thankfully I am unhurt.

"Jos are you ok?" The voice of the team principal breaks through your thoughts.

"Yeah, I will be," I respond as I unbuckle myself. I have decided to leave the confrontation for later. I just want to head back to the garage that belongs to my team. I know that they will be celebrating my championship victory. After a slightly shameful walk, I have made it back to the garage. The good thing is the last race of the weekend is always the sprint. I find myself in a spare seat at the pit wall. My eyes are glued to the timesheet on one of the screens. At least Robert has inherited my position. It has been a few months since my last F2 race and I am nervous again. I am currently waiting for a meeting to start. The reason why I am nervous is that I will be discussing my future in Formula 1 with Guenther Steiner. There is another problem. There are whispers that Nikita will be my teammate if the contract negotiations go well. I hope not. It doesn't take long for me to be summoned to Guenther's office. Thankfully the meeting was quick since there wasn't much that I wanted aside from the contract itself. It has been a month since that meeting and my worst fears have been confirmed. Nikita is my teammate. I am trying my best to ignore him as I get ready for the first round of preseason testing. So far it is working but something tells me that Nikita and I are going to have to settle our differences later.

"Jos you seem on edge. Is there anything wrong?" She asks. At least I have another woman on my side.

"Well it's a little complicated but I will let you know if you can help" I try my best to deflect the question because I don't want anyone to know about my past with Nikita. That is only if he hasn't blabbered to the crew. I am glad that I can rely on my lead mechanic for help. Hopefully, I won't need it.

"Oh Guenther wanted me to remind you to be careful," my lead mechanic says. Her warning makes me giggle a little.

"Morgan, both you and Guenther worry too much," I respond as I add the finishing touches to my gear. Having finished getting ready I pull myself into the car. Thankfully it doesn't take long for me to be released from the pits. As soon as I leave the speed limit zone I bring the car up to speed. I can see why Haas has a bad reputation. I am finding the car painfully slow. The good thing is it is an F1 car. After forty-five minutes of driving the first round of testing has come to an end and I am glad. That was the most painful drive of my life. The junior category cars were less temperamental. I soon manage to wrestle the car back to the pits. After a brief exchange with the engineers, I pulled myself out of the car. I can feel the relief as the air hits my face after I get my helmet off.

"We have a quick debrief in five minutes," my lead engineer lets me know. Not the best way to spend the break since I'll be in the same room as him. It doesn't take me long to reach the hospitality area. I am glad that the debrief is quick but I am unable to leave before he catches me.

"Jos I need to apologise," Nikita pulls me aside. I should hear him out but I still haven't forgiven him.

"No Nikita. I don't want to hear it," I snapped. There is no way I am ever going to forgive him. I am careful to hide my emotions in case there is anyone within earshot. It has been a few hours since the first round of testing has come to an end and for some reason, I have been invited to one of the local bars with the other rookies minus Nikita. I am glad that Mick Schumacher got the seat at Alfa Romeo. It makes me think that Nikita got his dad to pay for my seat. All of these thoughts consume me as I down a soft drink. I hate the idea that I am possibly in F1 unfairly. My thoughts are interrupted.

"Hey, Jos. You should relax. The hard work is done," Yuki Tsunoda remarks as he takes the spot next to me.

"That's not what I am worried about," I responded. At least Yuki is the kind of person that can lighten the mood. Yuki then processed to make me feel at ease. To my surprise, Yuki is able to keep my negative thoughts at bay. The issue is it will be a band-aid for a bigger problem. That problem is my past with Nikita. Well, I won't need to do anything about it yet. I just want to enjoy my night out with the others.