"is this love"

2020

“Is this love?”
It was a normal day for me. I was bored at home doing the same shit again and again basically scrolling in between 3 same apps. Home used to be a place I loved and never would I have ever thought that staying here would make me feel like dying. It was 10th of October, my mom’s birthday but she didn’t give a fuck she was busy with her tons of work believe me I do love her and all but sometimes I just can’t show it like the others. Of course, I wished her a happy birthday and sang her THE BIRTHDAY SONG with birthday hugs and kisses but it was just different I don’t know what the feeling was exactly it was just confusing. My father was at work and my sister would probably be doing some random things. I sound so off right now but I’m just describing the truth. I wasn’t thinking about anything special that would happen today so I went to take my relaxing bath which would take approximately 30 minutes and the only 30 minutes I would be away from my phone. I was standing Infront of my bathroom mirror wrapping myself with a towel that’s when I heard the doorbell ring. My heart stopped. I was so confused. My mind started thinking of all the things I shouldn’t be thinking at that moment, but I just couldn’t control it. It’s not like the person on the door would barge inside my room and then try to open my bathroom door forcefully.
I put on my clothes, covering up my body that I hate, ready to go and check who the person might be. Before entering the living room, I took a deep breath. fully ready to socialize with whoever the person was.
I saw her…
She was literally here sitting Infront me, smiling. I couldn’t take it, it made me so happy to finally see her, she’s my mom’s best friend and this was me meeting her for the first time and she was most probably the first person I saw in months except my family. She made me excited I don’t even know how her just being here made me all positive. We talked. I liked her. She’s a great independent woman and she’s pretty too. I got to know that she came here to surprise my mom for her birthday, that’s so sweet of her and that just made another point for me to obsess over her.
I excused myself from their conversation after a while for two reasons
First, they obviously want to spend some time alone without me.
Second, I had work. telling you the truth, I wanted to scroll Tik Tok.
Social media sure is addicting and I was over addicted. Not my fault.
“Arshiya, come here” I heard my mom say and being a good child, I went to her in a second.
I wasn’t expecting anything special but
I just..
I saw someone.
I saw him.
My heart. My heart. My heart. I saw someone I wasn’t expecting at all, what am I even saying I don’t even know the man.
I started approaching the chair he was sitting on and the closer I got, the more I want to turn back and run away into my room.   
Often, I’m not a good guesser. But I guess that this gorgeous man sitting right Infront of me has something magical that is going to make me fall in love with him.
As I get closer and closer, I see his arms that were perfect for wrapping around me. Hugging me which I needed. I’ve never really hugged any guy before, except my dad. I want too. But I just can’t.
My sister’s noises prevent me to hold the eye contact with him any longer, but I can tell that this man already has a great impact on me. Just by doing what? Sitting?
“hey”
This voice.
I mean his voice.
It just bought me back to life. I’m seriously into all these cheesy stuffs.
It just makes butterflies flutter in my tummy a little bit. Butterflies? What the actual fuck am I even thinking?
“hello” I mutter before closing my mouth tightly, slightly returning the smile.
His smile.
Holyfuck I don’t even have control on my mind now.
He doesn’t say anything after that and I’m quite thankful. WHAT? I can’t take it anymore I’m all liquid.
“God Arshiya! You’re so small, stand-up stand-up” I heard my mom say this to me and I obviously stood up.
Then I don’t even know how he was so close to me. Close? He was standing next to me. He was fucking standing next to me. his shoulders were touching my head. I WAS LOOKING LIKE A 8 YEAR OLD.
“she’s so small”
THIS SENTENCE YOU JUST READ WAS IT.
THE END OF ME.
THE END OF MY MIND.
THE END OF MY LIFE.
I was melted turned into liquid and evaporated. The way he said this to his mom with a cute smile oh his face.
Was it a proud smile? That he’s taller than me? huh?
I’m embarrassed now. but NO. my mom’s expecting me to look tall when I’m compared with a man whose literally 6’1.