If I Could Have You Back

Chapter One: Welcome To Our Hell

Lilac POV

At least they haven't decided to turn the lights off today, to plunge us even deeper into this land of living nightmares. No matter what we do, they carry out their tests on us, pushing our bodies to their limits. I've had to have transplants for almost all my organs multiple times since they were pushed to the point of failure; after all this time I can't help but wonder how much of the original me is actually left. As much as I think about it, I still can't be sure though, and maybe I should take that as a blessing in a way.

While my eyes dart nervously around the room constantly waiting for some new threat to come snatch me up and drag me off somewhere horrific, my gaze falls on my hands. On the back of my left hand is a tattoo that simply marks me as "#5," the fifth person in my experiment set. It's easier for them to identify us as numbers than as people, that way they don't have to feel guilt for what they put us through.

We can't feel physical pain, and so we're often used as test subjects for experiments that any other human would likely die from due to the sheer pain alone. That's why GlobeTech keeps us locked up here, away from the rest of the world. The lab techs take pride in reminding us on a daily basis that we're nothing more than monsters, nothing more than abominations. If they treat us like we're not truly human for long enough, then maybe we'll all start to believe it, I know I do.

Letting out a near silent sigh, I focus my gaze on the wall in front of me, trying to use the unflattering steel that's thinly painted over with tan paint to calm me down, center me. If I panic, if I scream, if I let out anything more than a whisper then I'll be punished; since I'm afraid of just about everything, the lab techs take delight in terrorizing me for even the smallest of reasons.

Even though I'm focused on staying facing straight ahead, I can still hear some of the quiet chatter from a few of the other girls. There are only ten of us in here, but just about everyone aside from me seems to have a friend, or at least an ally. If I could, if I had more courage, I would shout at them to not be fools, by getting close to people the other girls are only offering one more tool for the lab techs to use to keep them in line. Stay in line or I'll hurt your friend they'd say, I'd seen it so many times that at this point I was mostly just resigned to it. There are a lot of things I've become resigned to.

The triple latched door opens, and all the girls immediately scurry back to their separate beds and stare at the ground, doing their best not to provoke whoever it is that's come in. After a full week of tests being done on us we get a bit of a break, unless we happen to be the unlucky one who the lab techs have decided to torment this time around. Every one of us is silent, holding our breath, most likely silently uttering the plea "please not me, not me, anyone but me."

"I see all of you have learned how to be silent. It might have taken seventeen years, but you've finally figured out that your voice will get you nowhere with us, except sent to the basement." The woman surveys all of us critically, almost as if she's picking the juiciest and plumpest chicken to have for dinner. For how much we're respected, we might as well be livestock. This place is awful, but there is no way out.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you! You foolish girls!" None of us dare move, this is a trap, she'll tell us to look up, and whoever does will get sent to the basement, never to be seen again. And she won't let up until someone cracks; we used to have thirty girls in this room, now there's only ten of us.

This isn't just a regular visit, this is what all of us here call a red visit because a decent amount of blood is usually spilled before one of us is dragged off to the basement. We all know what happens to whoever goes down there, and so it's literally a fight for our lives.

The girl at the end of my row looks up, and a quick peek at her face shows the pure rage shimmering in her eyes. Immediately, Dr. Winter singles her out as today's victim, and marches over to her, grabbing her roughly by the shoulders. "DO YOU REALLY THINK! DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOOK ME IN THE EYES YOU PATHETIC GIRL?"

Instead of cowering in fear like I would expect her to though, she stares Dr. Winters down. "I'm just as much of a human as you are. And I'm no fool either. Since you won't let me live like a human, my only choice left is to die like one. You don't scare me you little bitch, I have nothing but contempt for you, and I'll hold onto that until my last breath."

I want to cheer for her, to stand up and clap, to agree, to call Dr. Winters all sorts of horrible names as well, but I don't. No, instead of standing up for a girl who decided to be brave, I cower in fear, just like I always have. There's no place for brave fools in here, unless they want to end up dead. Which I don't.

"Well now #23, you've got quite a mouth there, haven't you? Such a shame that nobody will be able to hear your screams where I'm taking you, you could have served as such a valuable lesson for all the others here who think they're worth anything."

This time it isn't Dr. Winters who loses it. "I'M NOT #23! MY NAME IS AMBER AND I LOVE THE COLOR GREEN AND I WANT TO BE AN ARTIST! DENY IT ALL YOU WANT BUT I'M A PERSON, JUST LIKE YOU!"

Snarling, Dr. Winters drags Amber out the door even as she tries to claw her way to freedom. A part of me feels bad for not asking if she had decided on a name for herself, and if so, what she would be called. At the same time, if I had then it would have made for just another person to mourn. One of the first things we learn here, is that we're all expendable.

Once Dr. Winters leaves, we're able to move again. A couple of the girls silently sob, a couple of them try to rip up their sheets just to destroy something, and others like me just sit there quietly, still in shock, still not sure what to do or say.

For the next couple of hours, the air is somber. All of us seem to be off in our own little world, thinking about what Amber did, what she said, and how she's gone because of it. As a result of that, when someone else walks in the room, we're not expecting it, not even a little bit. It's rare for us to have two visitors in one day.

"#5, you're needed in testing room B, come along please."

It takes me a minute to realize that I'm #5, it takes me a minute to remember. When I do, I let out a small whimpering noise. "No, please no. I can't go back there...I can't go back there. Please, I didn't do anything, I just can't relive that nightmare!" My voice rises louder and louder as I feel my heart beat so loudly that it threatens to break through my chest. It's been quite a while since my fear has overwhelmed me quite this much.

"#5, I'm not a patient person. Come along, there's a schedule to keep."

I know I should get up, should follow the man out the door with my head hung obediently, but my body refuses to move, I'm frozen there, I couldn't move even if I wanted to. "I...I can't...I...I just can't..."

Losing the last of his patience, the doctor grabs my arm and forces me forward into the hallway, not taking no for an answer. In some back corner of my mind, I wonder what it'll be this time. Burning? Drowning? Knives? A new disease? The options are only as limited as the twisted imaginations of the people at GlobeTech. Since they haven't shown me any mercy before, I highly doubt they'll show me any now...