Always and Forever

T h r e e

Y/n POV:

The next day, I barely had the time to think about Natasha. I was woken up by some kind of AI called Jarvis at 7am. I hate getting up this early in the morning. 

As went downstairs I was met by Sam and Steve who I spent the rest of the day with. We trained for several hours and I got to know them. 

At lunch I mostly avoided Natasha's eyes, which wasn't really hard considering that everybody talked with me, trying to get to know me. The rest of the day I haven't seen her and I was rather thankful for it.

Wanda joined us in training in the afternoon and we actually had a lot of fun but at the end of the day I was extremely exhausted, I basically fell into my bed, immediately falling asleep. 

I woke up drenched in sweat. Another nightmare. 

"It's just a dream...It's just a dream..." I kept repeating to myself but it felt so real. I could feel his hands on me and hear his voice in my ear. I felt the exact same pain travel through my body. It didn't feel like a dream at all.

The more I thought about it the more it freaked me out and I started to shake uncontrollably, so I got up and walked up and down trying to calm myself. After a while it got better but I couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to go up to the roof. I've always found the stars calming. 

I walked out of my room as quiet as possible because I knew that Natasha had a light, alerted sleep and that every small noise could wake her up. I tiptoed over to the door with the small staircase behind. 

As I opened the heavy metal door I was met with cool, fresh night air. It was welcoming and I walked up to the edge and looked down at the city, which now lit up in colorful lights, like a sea.

The sound of the busy streets of New York and the sight of this sea of lights made me feel safe. It was peaceful, watching from up here. It makes all your worries disappear and you feel calm. It's a way of escaping this busy, exhausting life.

I sat down with my feet hanging of the edge and just enjoyed the feeling until I felt the presence of someone hovering behind me. I didn't even need to turn around to know who it was.

Natasha

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you" I apologized.

She didn't say anything and just sat down next to me. Before I even realized it she had covered me with a blanket.

"You're shaking" is all she said. She was right, I was shaking and even tho I didn't wanna admit it, I missed this.

"Thanks" is all I managed to croak out. I let myself relax into her embrace and the next ten minutes we just spent there, snuggled up in each others arms, peacefully watching the nightlife of New York.

"How did you know I was up here?" I asked her

"I heard you pacing around your room and I know that the night sky calms you down" a simple answer that proved that she still cared. And in that moment all I wanted, was to forgive her and go back to how it was before.

I couldn't handle it anymore. All my feelings suddenly hit me at once and before I knew it, silent tears were falling down my cheek.

Without saying a word Natasha's hold tightened around me and I silently cried into her shoulder, where I let down all the pressure and hurt, that built up over years.

After a few minutes I heard Natasha speak.

"I did come back for you"

I looked up at her words to find a single tear rolling down her rosy cheek aswell.

"I came back for you but they told me you died. They said they killed you... I know it's stupid, I shouldn't have believed them. I mean why would they kill their best assassin just because she disobeyed once?" I could hear her voice breaking.

We both sat still in silence. I needed to process it all. Why didn't I think of this possibility before. I'm so stupid. I was so caught up in self pity that I didn't spare one thought about how she must have felt. I didn't want to lose her again. She's the only person who truly knows me and I trust her with my life. There's still this small part of me, that doesn't want to let her in again to prevent any kind of hurt. But I tried my best to push it down.

"You came  back..." I said more to reassure myself than to her.

"Always and Forever, remember?" 

I leaned against her and and looked down at the streets before I started pouring my heart out to her.

"The years after you left were the worst. They trained us twice this intense and by the end of the year they killed half of us. The weaker ones. They made us kill them. I killed her without hesitation." The all to good known guilt started creeping up my back again. I paused for a moment before I continued.

"A few years after the Red room they took me to hydra to create some kind of supersoldier. It was the worst time in my life. There was no relieve of the pain and often enough I wished I was dead. I wished for it all to end. For something to tell me that my lonely nights are over. I was all alone with no one to tell me it's gonna be alright..." 

I could feel Natasha's eyes on me and telling her everything that's been eating me up for years felt oddly good and I knew that she's the only one who really understands me.

"Everytime I close my eyes I'm back there. Over time their mind control made me forget about my problems tho and after five years I managed to break free."

Natasha hold me close, whispering in my ear "I'm so sorry I didn't get to you in time. I should have gone back for you earlier."

"It's okay" I whispered back and we stayed like that for a while.

Natasha POV:

I could hear the hurt in her voice and it broke my heart. Whenever I look at her I still just see that 16 year old girl I left behind all those years ago. Why didn't I push harder to find her? I shouldn't have waited so long to come back. I had no idea the Red room cooperated with Hydra.

I held her close in my arms, never wanting to let go and just keep her safe here with me. Just holding such a pure soul warmed my heart and made it beat ten times faster. Make this moment last forever. Now that I have her back my life without her seemed so pathetic and unfulfilled. Y/n is my best friend, right?

We stayed like this until I could feel her shaking again.

"Let's go back to bed"

I helped her up and we walked back inside. At the door she returned my blanket and was about to go in when I saw her hesitate before she turned around and looked at me shyly.

"Can I stay with you for the night?"

She looked so innocent and I didn't wanna leave her ever again. "Sure, anytime" 

We both cuddled up together in bed and I hold her close until she fell asleep. I admired her perfect features in the dark shadows of the night until I eventually fell asleep as well.