Responsibilities

Chapter 1

I do not own anything from the 100.

XxCLARKExx

I just kept walking and walking, under the shade of trees, completely unaware of where I was headed. Not a clue in the world as to what I was going to do.

Do I even want to live?

Charlotte, three hundred grounders, Finn, and all the people in Mt. Weather, I am responsible for all their deaths. After all I have done, I should pay. It is blood for blood after all; jus drein jus daun. While walking by some berries that I knew were poisonous, I thought about eating them, to get it over with already, but that would be too easy. My death doesn't deserve to be peaceful, it should be slow and painful. Maybe I should die the way the grounders would have it, by a thousand cuts. Thoughts of how I should die filled my head as I walked through the dense forest. This would have never happened if we never had made it to Earth. If we hadn't, everyone who had lived on the Ark would be dead, but three hundred grounders, and everyone who resided in Mt. Weather would be alive. We wouldn't have saved the grounders that were being drained of their blood and turned into reapers, but maybe the grounders would have saved them eventually. It doesn't matter, I shake the thoughts out of my head. What happened, happened nothing can be done to change it.

It felt like years, but it had only been about a week since I had stood before the gate of Camp Jaha and given Monty a big reassuring hug. He hadn't realized that it was also a goodbye hug. After my moment with Monty, I had gone to say my goodbye to Bellamy.

Bellamy, my co-leader, friend, and honestly, in better circumstances, someone I might have wanted to become more than friends with. I never really thought much about that though. There had been no time to take notice to those kind of emotions. I had been too busy trying to keep everyone alive. And I had killed Finn-- the only guy I had ever been romantically involved with. How could I ever think about being more than friends with anyone after that? No one would even want to be more than friends with me anyway, not after all I've done. Jasper couldn't even look at me, Octavia hates me, and Lexa abandoned me and my people when we needed her and her people most.  

Bellamy was the only one I actually said goodbye to. I said goodbye to him because, out of all of us, everyone who had fought, he would have understood and let me go. I also figured that if I hadn't told him my plans he would've come looking for me, probably with others as well. I didn't want anyone to find me, I still don't.

Bellamy would tell everyone I went on my own free will, so they wouldn't worry that I may have been kidnapped. But I knew they all hated me, so they probably wouldn't care. The only person who may care that I left is my mother and that's a maybe. She may have tried to comfort me, but she won't ever look at me the same, if she ever will again. After all, it's probably hard being the mother of a monster.

The sun is setting, giving off a deep red light that streamed through the trees. As I continued to look at the bleeding sky, I finally realized how tired I was. I couldn't just sleep out in the open, I'm not sure if we still have a truce with the grounders. Even if we did there are many of them who want me dead. Cage and Emerson were still alive too, and they would definitely kill me as soon as they saw me. Although, I deserve it, I don't think I actually want to die. All this time fighting to survive, to just give up. Deciding that I want to live, but not sure what for, I began to look for some sort of shelter. Maybe, I could find another underground bunker like the one Finn and I had found. Thoughts of Finn flooded my mind as darkness swept across the sky. With only the light of the moon, I manage to spot a cave not far ahead of me. A cave wasn't as good as a bunker, but it was good enough. I gathered some branches and began to build a fire inside the cave. Sitting down, I watched the glowing embers and began to drift off into a deep sleep. Although I fell asleep quickly, the sleep that came was not peaceful. Visions of Maya and innocent children screaming clouded my unconscious mind watching them as radiation burns start to spread across their skin..