Us

Special

Me and him....

He was a sweet, funny, lovely, and clingy guy. He was so loveable; it was hard for someone to not like the boy. He was so special to me.

It had always been him and I. Friends since kindergarten and now going into our senior year. Oh, how the time has flown by. But he and I could never just fly away. We're forever or so I thought......

Kindergarten was the year I met the love of my life. I was too young to even think about the huge infatuation that I had developed on this boy. It grew and grew as the years went by. He started to become increasingly clingy, lovely, and sweet as time went by. We held hands, we hugged, and cuddled during sleepovers all the time. We were just two little boys who enjoyed having each other as company. As we graduated elementary school and went into our junior high years, I realized how handsome he had gotten.

He was so handsome, he made me realize that there really was someone more handsome than me. He had girls coming for him left and right. At first it caused a fright to rise within my body, though as time went by, I realized he was more interested in music and our friendship. Nothing had changed, we still hung out every day, held hands any time we had, cuddled during sleepovers, and hugged about a billion times a day. Though now we called each other baby, darling, and soulmates to the mix of things the WE only did. Oh, how I loved those pet names, it made me believe that I was special. I was special for the time being until that beautiful girl came and swooped my handsome boy away.

Junior high was the start of his admirers gathering up into a puddle of lovesick fools who somehow thought they had a chance with him, just like me.

Though I had somehow stimulated a strong belief that I was special to him because on the 3rd of December he gifted me a sweater that had matched his. He called them frouple sweaters because they were originally matching couple sweaters though he still found a way to make something that is supposed to be romantic into something silly. He said I looked pretty in the sweater, and I had now developed a new infatuation that wasn't him; now it was the sweater he gifted me. It was special because he was known for not gifting any of his friends outside of his family, simply wishing them happiness or luck. I was the first one to be gifted outside of his family. I was special.

He and I then graduated from junior high and finally made it to the last stages of our teenage years. Year 9 was like every other year, there was nothing special about that year to the normal teenage eye....... except it was the most special year to me. He kissed me, he had finally kissed me. I was over the moon as I thought these lovely little pecks were going to be something he and I did within the mix of our questionable friendly things. I felt his lips on mine, oh they were so soft and warm. Oh, how I was so wrong about thinking that......

Nothing in my 15 years of living could have prepared me for Year 10, Year 11, and now Year 12.

The kiss was simply like a hug or hand holding to him. It was something natural or normal to him, it wasn't anything special to him. We were that close to the point people thought we were together all along. They believed he and I were a couple, and it made my heart swell with hope that maybe he did love me just like how I did.

That all came crashing down.

He fell into a pit of underlying love for this sweet and beautiful girl. She was gorgeous, funny, smart, athletic, creative, just everything any person would want in a person. She was a goddess compared to me. I was barely half what she was. He came to me for everything about her. He told me how he wanted to kiss her, hug her, love her, treat her as his...... how he wanted to be hers. Without him knowing that he had just listed everything I've ever wanted to be with him. It felt unreal to hear him confess his love for someone. Unreal in a way that only could be explained as heartbreak as the person he wanted to love was not me. He was mesmerized by her, oh how I so badly wished I was her.

As he talked to her more day by day we drifted. It reminded me of the days we touched, talked, slept, and basically did everything together. How those times had ended the day he gave himself to her. I had not yet experienced my love fall in love with someone else. He loved her and not me. Why would he ever kiss me then leave me here foolishly in love with someone who loved another more than they would me.