Doc Blitzo and the IBP(Family friendly Helluva Boss)

Pilot

A/N: Alright, let's get this started. DISCLAIMER: Although I did think of and write all the edits myself, I copy-pasted the original transcript for this episode and all future episodes from the Helluva Boss Fandom Wiki. Alright, NOW let's get this started

[The scene opens with a city shot that slowly zooms in on the Immediate Bounty Professionals building. Cars honking can be heard in the background. The scene transitions to a closed door, with a sign that says "Meeting in progress". Inside, Blitzo is walking by a whiteboard on the wall as he lectures his employees.]

Blitzo: Alright, now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... [looks at Moxxie] Moxxie. [Moxxie gives him a "What the heck?" look.] Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?

Millie: What about a car wash?

Blitzo: This is the Wasteland, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay? Ooh, what about a billboard?

Moxxie: We can't afford a billboard, sir.

Blitzo: Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. [pushes Moxxie away] Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?

[Blitzo turns on a TV that shows the I.B.P. crew debilitating people from the overworld as they are paid to do. Blitzo whacks a man in the face with a mallet, Moxxie is blown away firing a taser at a man tied to a chair, Loona swings a man back and forth in her mouth by the back of their neck, and Millie knocks someone offscreen with a sledge hammer and laughs. Then it zooms out to everyone watching the TV, with Loona, Millie, and Blitzo eating popcorn.]

Blitzo: Ahh, those were the good times.

Moxxie: I don't need any reminding, sir, considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel nobody watches.

Blitzo: Uh, hey, excuse me. What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, all right? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' pure crassness!

Millie: People love musicals, sir.

Blitzo: Exactly, Millie! And we're basically doin' a musical. Are you gonna crush my musical theatre dreams like my dad did?

Moxxie: Sir--

Blitzo: 'Cause right now, all I see is just my dad's jerkhole talking to me! Crushing my dreams of being who I truly am inside.

Millie: Are you tryin' to crush his dreams, Moxxie?

Moxxie: I-- What?

Millie: I thought I knew you. [Millie playfully sticks her tongue out at him as Moxxie rolls his eyes affectionately.]

Blitzo: I can't believe you, Moxxie, [holds up an employee of the month plaque with Moxxie's picture on it] after I made you employee of the month!

Moxxie: Okay, sir! I'm sorry, a commercial jingle is not comparable to musical theatre. Nobody actually likes the jingles!

Millie: I liked it.

Moxxie: Do not-- [points at Millie] Do not agree with him in front of me!

[The scene cuts to the I.B.P. commercial.]