Pain,Pain,Go Away

002

Chapter 2: A Common Tragedy

Kiriko never showed up at the park.

Checking my watch to confirm that twenty-four hours had indeed gone by, I lifted myself up from the bench.

Waiting here any longer would be pointless. So I left behind the bench with peeling paint, the swings without seats, the rusted jungle gym - the playground that had so completely changed since a decade ago.

My body was chilled to the core. Even having an umbrella up, it was only natural after spending an entire day in this late October rain. My mod coat was waterlogged and cold, my jeans clung to my legs, and my newly-bought shoes were covered in mud.

At least I'd taken the car, I thought. If I'd gone with my initial plan of taking buses and trains, I'd have to wait until morning for the train.

I quickly escaped into the safety of the car, threw off my wet coat, started the engine and turned on the heater. The ventilator spewed out moldy-smelling hot air, and twenty minutes later, the car was finally warm.

Right about as I stopped shivering, I started craving a drink. A good strong drink with lots of alcohol, perfect for drowning my sorrows.

I stopped by the late-night supermarket and bought a small bottle of whiskey and some mixed nuts.

As I waited in line at the register to pay, a woman in her late twenties with no makeup cut in front of me. Slightly afterward, a

man who appeared to be her boyfriend came in.

Both of them looked like they'd just gotten out of bed, kept their pajamas on, and threw on sandals, yet I smelled perfume that seemed recently-applied.

I thought about complaining at them for cutting in line, but nothing came out of my mouth. "Coward," I silently scolded myself.

Sitting in my parked car in the corner of the lot, I leisurely had my whiskey. The hot candy-colored liquid scorched down my throat, putting a gentle fog around my senses.

The crackling golden oldies on the radio comforted me, as did the sound of raindrops beating on the roof. The lights in the parking lot shimmered through the rain.

But the music always ends, the bottle empties, the lights go out. As I turned off the radio and shut my eyes, I was hit with intense loneliness.

I wanted to get back to my apartment and thoughtlessly sleep with my blanket pulled over my head, right now, and not a moment sooner.

The darkness, silence, and solitude which I generally preferred, at this particular moment, ate into me instead.

Though I was determined not to get my hopes up from the start, it seemed I had been more hopeful to have a reunion with Kiriko than I even realized. My intoxicated brain was being more honest about recognizing my true feelings than usual.

Yes, I'd been wounded. I was deeply disappointed that Kiriko hadn't shown up at the park.

She must not have needed me anymore.

I'd have been better off not making this invitation in the first place. There was no changing that both at 17 and at 22, I was a lying loser with countless shortcomings.

In fact, I should have just gone to meet her when she actually wanted us to meet in person. What a waste I'd made of that chance.

I'd intended to sleep until the alcohol was out of my system, but I changed my mind.

I drove out of the parking lot, foot hard against the accelerator, making my old, second-hand car shriek in pain.

I was driving drunk. I knew it was against the law, but the pouring rain numbed me. I felt like in a storm like this, you couldn't hold a few wrongful acts against someone.