Attack on Titian OneShots and Headcannons

Game Night (Erwin, Levi, Hange)

          "Are you serious right now?" Hange flung themselves on the couch, causing both Levi and Erwin to catch air for a couple of seconds. On the t.v. screen, the result of the trio's previous match revealed the obvious winner: Erwin and Hange 10.5% vs. Levi's 89.5% of coverage. "I don't-I don't understand how or why you're doing this!" Hange wildly gestured to the screen. "But we do not approve! I demand a rematch."

          Upon Hange's demand, Erwin immediately rose from his spot. His eyes were closed in deep thought. "I too, would like to request for a rematch." Remaining in his pose, Erwin's eyes shot open. "As I refuse to be beaten by a man who has had no prior experience in Splatoon since two weeks ago!"

          Up until this point, Levi has been sitting cross-legged on the couch listening to the other two complain. "It's really not my problem that you two can't keep up with me," He restarted the private match. "I mean, you and Hange lost to me five times already. Despite my switch literally displaying on the television, just to give you an advantage."

          Hange must have left at some point. They came back with a pack of Oreos "The advantage means nothing when we're up against a freaking crazy person!" Erwin sat himself on the floor this time, not wanting the crumbs to end up on his side of the couch like they always did for some weird reason.

          "Fine fine!" Levi, now a little agitated, agreed to the rematch. "Now what stage do you guys want?"

          "Flooder's in the Attic-" Hange made a sour face. "No, please Erwin! I want to live."

"Okay, then let's go with The Ink is Spreading"

          "What! That one's just a bootleg Flooders map. Let's do Maze Dasher!" Again, Hange had that sour look on their face. To them, Erwin always chose the weirdest maps. Like, why the hell would you want to place yourself in a map that was trying to kill you 24/7? That's what the players were for.

At this point, Levi just wanted to start. "The Splat in Our Zones? Okay."

          "Wait!" Both of his opponents said in unison. "It's too late. You took too long, I chose the map; Now pick a weapon and press 'A' you dumbasses." Begrudgingly, team Alpha pressed 'A' and hoped for the best. "Erwin," Hange stared at their switch, "Before we get massacred and become fish food, I just wanted to tell you..." Erwin twisted their body to look up at their friend, who was hanging over the edge of their seat. "Yes Hange?"

"You fucking suck at Splat-Zones so please do not get in the way."

"We're going to die here."

          "Shut up, the game's starting." Levi began to ink his home territory while Hange and Erwin shot ahead, trying to fill up as many splat-zones as they could. "Hange, you go back and ink the home turf!" The two had just finished another zone, while Erwin spotted Levi up ahead with their Tetra Dualies. "I'll deal with this man over here." Levi rolled his eyes. He could hear their conversation but apparently they didn't care much about that.

          "Yes sir! Superjumping back to spawn!" Hange's character disappeared into the air and out of the way of direct confrontation with the devil himself. Meanwhile, Erwin attempted to block Levi from inking up any other turf. "Why?" Erwin started "Why did you have to be a dualie main Levi? The constant dodging is pissing me off."

          Dualie man snorted "That's kind of the whole point-" Suddenly, Levi was cut short by a large hammer.

          "Watch out boys, coming through!" Hange barged in with an Ultra-Stamp and managed to kill Levi in the process. "All home turf is inked up! And Levi is splatted, so I would call this match pretty much over." Looking pretty pleased with themselves, Hange let out a whole chain of "booyahs" followed by another chain of squidbagging. "Hange! I knew I could count on you! That's why we're one hell of a team."

          A stream of ink hit Erwin "You guys are a team because there is literally no way you both could beat me otherwise." Levi's character jumped down and splatted both Hange and Erwin in the same shot. "Don't let yourselves get carried away; We still have a minute left."

"Damn! Every time!" Hange screamed and threw their head back. They checked on minimap and panicked, "Erwin, he's covered half of our progress in about 30 seconds!"

"Shit."

          At around the 20-second mark, both teams had about an equal amount of ink coverage. But to secure their place, Erwin decided to use his special: The Booyah Bomb. But first, they needed to hype. "We have suffered many losses by the hands of Levi!" He started "But we shall never forget the intense training and tears that has led us to this moment."

          "You're about to use the Booyah Bomb." Levi stated plainly. There always had to be some sort of speech before Erwin let off the bomb. (Which usually never worked)

          "Let him finish." Hange shushed Levi with tears in their eyes. The awe-inspiring Erwin never ceased to amaze.

          "But now, I need you to lend me your strength! In order to secure our winning spot. So, Hange! Lend me your strength! Charge the "Booyah!"

          Tears started to drip off of the brunette's cheeks as they began to charge the bomb. "Yes sir! I'll lend all the strength you need!"

          "What the hell is wrong with you two?" With only 10 seconds on the clock, Erwin released the bomb directly at Levi.

          "Okay I guess, if it really had to lead to this..." In an instant, Levi dodged the bomb while both splatting Erwin and Hange at the last second. Hange's eyes widened at the realization that the bomb might not have worked. "Bro! No!" They flopped over, causing their face to collide with the cushions. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" Their teammate placed a hand on their shoulder. "It's not over yet. My bomb should have given us enough ink to win this."

          All three of them awaited the results. It was one of those cases, where it was pretty hard to tell. "I must say," Levi stood up to stretch while the Judds prepared to reveal the results. "You two put up quite a fight, I'm actually impressed. But-" The final results were revealed: Team Alpha 47.7% while Levi was 52.3%. "You'll have to try a little harder next time."
"Bullcrap! Bullshit! Absolutely all of the bulls!" Hange had gotten busy cursing while Erwin stared at the screen, dumbfounded.

It looks like the trio will be at it all night.