Short Stories & Poetry

Cracked Courage

I’ll tell her tomorrow I chanted to myself as I tucked myself in. I heard my phone buzz and I picked it up. The word ‘girlfriend’ had lit up my screen so I unlocked my phone and stared at the message.

Are we still on for tomorrow?

I was so close to sending back a ‘no’ but I took a deep breath and sent back a ‘yes’. A smile spread across my face as my phone buzzed again and I read the new message.

Ok good. I would have kicked your ass and come over anyway if you had said no. See you tomorrow. Love you <3

My heart flip-flopped as I put my phone back on the bedside table. I snuggled down in my bed and closed my eyes. Trying to sleep was almost impossible as a thousand twitchy bats flew around inside my stomach. I felt so nervous for tomorrow I thought I was going to be sick. I turned onto my back, closed my eyes and began to count the deep breaths that I forced in and out of my lungs. Soon enough blackness consumed me.

I woke up early and trotted down to the kitchen to find my mum making pancakes.

“Hi sweetie, I didn’t expect you to be up so early.” She said smiling as she flipped a pancake with her spatula. “Why don’t you take a seat?” I smiled back at her and turned to the table when there was a knock at the front door. I walked down the hall and yanked open the door to find my girlfriend, Samantha, standing in front of me.

“Hey babe.” She chirped happily.

“Shhh!” I hushed her. “I haven’t told my mum yet.” I whispered to her. Sam scowled at me and crossed her arms, not stepping inside the house.

“Of course you haven’t.” She said angrily. “I’ve been waiting for months for you to tell her. But you haven’t. I’m just your dirty little secret. Are you ashamed of me? Is that why you haven’t told her?” My jaw dropped at the look of disdain on her face.

“No! Baby, that’s the furthest thing from the truth! You know I was planning on telling her today!” I said, desperately trying to make her understand how hard this was for me. “We were going to do it together, remember?” I asked, reaching for her hand but she yanked it out of my reach.

“Well, I’m not going to embarrass myself just because you’re too afraid.” She sneered at me. Rolling her eyes, she turned away from me and began to talk down the driveway. “Let me know when you have told her!” She threw over her shoulder. My insides froze as a paralyzing fear seized me. I have to tell her by myself? I tried to take a deep breath and calm my nerves but that only seemed to make things worse.

“Honey?” I heard my mum yell from the kitchen. I walked slowly back towards the dining table and sat down, trying to stop my hands from shaking. “Who was that at the door?” Mum asked as she placed a plate of pancakes in front of me. I looked into her kind eyes and tried not to cry as a realisation hit me. Had Sam just broken up with me? I pushed the thought aside and focused on my mother.

“Mum, I need to tell you something.” I said, ignoring her question.

“What is it, my darling?” She asked, sitting beside me and taking my hand.

“I.. I’m gay.” I whispered as my voice shook. Her eyes went wide like saucers and she dropped my hand like it was on fire.

“What?” She snapped, her eyes filled with disgust.

“I’m gay.” I squeaked as I began to shake uncontrollably, my eyes filling and a lump forming in the back of my throat. Mum stood up from the table as if she’d just been electrocuted and moved to the furthest corner of the room.

“Get out.” She said so quietly I almost didn’t catch it. My heart stuttered and I froze to the spot. “Get out of my house!” She barked pointing at the door.

“But mum…” I breathed tears pouring freely down my face.

“Don’t call me that.” She said coldly. “You are not my daughter.” I sat staring at her cruel face until a loud ringing sound resonated inside my head, sounding very familiar…

 

I opened my eyes to the blaring sound of my alarm clock. I almost cried with joy that I was still in bed and that it was all just a dream. I turned my alarm off and sat up in bed. The dream had made my nerves a hundred times worse than it was last night. Now I really did feel like I was going to be sick. I ran into the bathroom and retched but nothing came out, which I was grateful for. I quickly tied my hair back in a ponytail and brushed my teeth while trying to delay my descent downstairs and calm my fluttering stomach. Finally, very slowly, I padded down the stairs. When I reached the kitchen, I saw Sam and my mum sitting at the table, chatting and laughing together. Sam saw me first, a smile lighting up her face.

“Hey, sleepy head. I thought you were never going to get up.” She beamed before patting the seat next to her. I hesitated for a moment before I shuffled over and sat, looking at mum who was smiling pleasantly at me.

“Mum I need to tell you something.” I blurted out before I could stop myself. I could feel my heart pound so hard in my chest I was afraid everyone could hear it.

“What is it, my darling?” Mum said, making my stomach shrivel in my chest. That was what mum had said in my dream. A horrible feeling of dread dropped into my stomach. My hands felt clammy and I could feel the blood drain from my face. I felt like I was going to throw up any second. I can’t do this.

Then I felt something grasping my hand and I looked down to see Sam’s fingers interlaced with my own. I looked over to her face to see her nod encouragingly. Her smiled made my heart swell and suddenly I felt like I could handle anything. This wasn’t going to be like my dream because I had Sam right here beside me. I took a deep calming breath focusing on her soft hand in mine.

“Mum, I’m gay.” I announced in a strong voice. “I’ve known I was for a long while now, I just never knew how to tell you. I’m gay and I’m in love with Samantha.” I declared, glancing at Sam who was practically bursting with pride, squeezing my hand under the table. I looked back at mum who raised her brows slightly in surprise but had otherwise showed no signs of distress or disappointment. There were a few moments of silence, in which I was waiting for her to freak and kick me out or disown me. But it didn’t happen. Instead she stood up and walked around the table. For a moment I thought she might leave the room but she came to kneel next to me. She wrapped her arms around me in a hug and stroked my hair.

“Oh baby, I’m so glad.” For a moment my entire brain shut down from shock.

“W-what?” I stammered as she pulled away from me. She kept her hands on my shoulders and gave me her warmest smile.

“You’ve been locked in your room for days, I’ve been so worried about you. You were barely eating, you’re so pale and every time I tried talking to you, you closed me off. I was so scared I had done something wrong to upset you or make you angry with me.” She said while I shook my head furiously.

“No! It was never you! I was just so nervous about telling you. I was so afraid you’d hate me and not want me to be your daughter anymore.” I confessed while tears filled my eyes. Mum took my face in her hands and smiled at me.

“You will always be my baby girl and I will always love you. No matter what. I don’t care who you choose to love. As long as they treat you right and make you happy.” She smiled up at Samantha. “And if Samantha does that, I can be nothing but happy for you. Are you happy?” She asked me and I nodded with tears rolling down my face.

“I am now.” I threw myself into her arms and began sobbing hysterically, a huge grin on my face. Sam joined in a few moments later and for the first time in my life I found myself hugging the two women I loved most, happier than I ever had been in my life because I was free to be myself.