Under the Lamppost \\ l.t

Prologue

My mother stands over me crying. I wish I could tell her what happened to me. But I can't; even if I wanted to. Thinking back I realize that I could have changed this. Maybe on that night or even the day I met him. I look out into the crowd and see my friends, family, and classmates. I never thought this many people would be here. I don't remember even talking to some of these people but I guess that's the question people always ask. How many people would show up to my funeral?

Some people don't need this right now and I feel stupid for doing this to them. Why couldn't I have been more careful? It was so unlike me to trust someone without giving myself time to figure it out. Still looking in the crowd I see my best friend crying and it makes me feel horrible for not telling her where I was going. I regret that night more than anything now. Maybe if I had told her where I was going she would have called someone when I didn't show up for coffee next morning. If only I would have thought of others and not just myself.

Then I see him. He is set apart from everyone else because he is the only one with a smirk on his face. He lured me in and I was wrapped around his finger so tightly. I start to feel sick just thinking about it. Why? That's the only question I can ask myself. He could have picked someone else. I don't understand why he wanted me. Ugh I wish I would have told someone about him.

I didn't even ask around to see if he knew anyone here from before. I didn't look him up on any social media. Everything my parents taught me I just threw out the window. They always told me to get to know someone before you trust them and I just fell for him. My brain was pushing the lessons I had learned to the back of my brain and I went with my feelings.

I only told Hannah that I was talking to someone from school. We were best friends, she should have known everything. I am turning peoples lives upside down right now. It isn't gong to be easy and I did that to so many people by making 1 stupid mistake. I wish I could just sit up and say "He did it!" and point and accuse the crap out of that boy. But science isn't on my side this time. Being dead sucks.