As she walks the long hallway heading to the scouts library, she let her mind wander in yesterday's memories. Blurring out the laughs and the voices coming out from the dinning hall, she follows her usual path almost mechanically. Despite the pain lingering inside her guts and the bruise on her stomach growing bigger and bluer by the hour, she walks normally, just to show people she might come across that she's okay. Or maybe just to convince herself . She feel her heart heavy, not knowing exactly why. Humiliation, anger, maybe even rage. The lack of sleep engraved under her eyes and the blemish tone of her skin made her look almost unrecognizable. If someone didn't knew what had happened, they would've think she was sick.
"You look like shit."
The brown haired boy appeared from nowhere, a concerned smile on his face.
"Well thanks Eren, you too." She said, not showing any sign of humour as she continued to walk.
She felt him grab her arm, softly, making sure his grip was not hurting her.
"You can talk to me, you know I've been there too... I know it's painful but it was the only way for you to stay here. With us."
She gathered the courage to look in his eyes, a sincere worrying expression showing. Her chest now hurting even more.
"I know, I'm okay. Don't worry about me. I'm heading out for the library. I just need some calm."
And she needed to think. She needed to remember yesterday. To replay it, again and again. As if to torture herself, but she needed to find answers. She needed to relive it, again and again.
"You know he's not mad right?"
"That's a funny way to put it."
"He still thinks as highly of you as he did before Y/N. He had to do it and you know it."
His words felt like daggers, cutting through her already bruised stomach.
"I don't care what he thinks about me." The words fell out of her mouth, her hands squeezing into fists. "He's only my Captain. I'm only another fucking brat. He doesn't care if I am mad at him or not, if I think he is or not."
"So you're mad at him?"
The question hit her again, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to appear composed in front of her friend.
"I'm not." She sigh.
She wasn't mad. She didn't think she was. She felt betrayed. She felt like she didn't belong anymore. She felt like shit.
"I have to go Eren, I'll join you guys for diner later ok? Enjoy your day off."
She turned to head back on her path when she felt Eren's hand grabbed her arm again.
" Y/N, please..." He releases his grip, his hand lingering on her arm. "I'm here ok?"
She couldn't help but smile at the boy.
"I know. Thank you." His hand got back to his side as she turned and walked away.
The old wooden door in front of her, she hesitated before opening it. A strange feeling lingering in her guts, something between pain, sadness and hunger. She felt her hand shaking as it went to grab the handle. Like she shouldn't be here. Like she didn't belong. She let out a loud sigh as she turned the handle and pushed the door open. Her nose instantly filled with the familiar scent of old books. She closed her eyes, cherishing this precious moment, feeling her chest a little lighter. She wandered in the little library, letting her left hand feel the book covers as she walked between the five aisles. She sat at the only table in the middle of the room, her books from the last time she was here still sitting there. Her head fell almost instinctively in her hands, sighing again. She closed her eyes and without even having to concentrate, she replayed yesterday in her head.
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Little chapter to start! I'll be updating this weekend ❤️
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Fanfiction🔞⚠️ It was dark and all she could think while drifting away was him. The way his fingertips felt on her lips, how his skin brushed against hers, burning her senses and turning all her willpower to ashes. She tried to hold on to images of him, like...
