Had I followed my original plan, would I be happy right now?
This is just one sentence, but if one is to bring this the whole day s/he would surely be living in the regrets of yesterday and nothing good would come up and the good should always outweigh the bad. Right?
Even I, this keeps on bothering me during my vacant or pensive mood. Truth be told, I miss some of my friends whom I left in Trece and of course, those in Catarman, Northern Samar whom I have not seen for three straight years. I did not even properly bid my last farewell to them because I thought I'd be able to have my vacation after a year but COVID happened and life sucks... sometimes. So, yeah, I have been too attach to them. Maybe one of the many reasons I have why I did not bid goodbye to them was that they might prevent me from moving forward and pursuing what I wanted since I have grown attached to them and being detached is unthinkable, so, I abandoned them in the middle of the night only to find out the next I was already in Manila greeted by Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart.
Yes, I miss those moments when we went from one fiesta to another, we'd spend the night from one town and be in another town the next day and for the full week, we were too numb and dumb from drinking too much with only 3 hours of sleep. Intoxicated. Yes, I miss those times that after the drinking spree around 3 am we'd go out with our motorcycle roaming around the city hunting for someone available since we were all horny. Yes, I miss those days that we'd spend the night together just enjoying each other's company over midnight snack or sometimes I cook for them and we'd gossip about the latest chikas in the neighborhood. Yes, I miss those times that we'd accompany and deliver each other to their doorstep to make sure they're home and parents would ask us to drop by and eat dinner. Yes, I miss those times that we were volunteering for two months every year to teach children catechism or about life hacks. We were not at home for two months because we were on islands and mountains unreachable by people in position. Yes, those were good times... and for me to say goodbye to it was so difficult. Saying goodbye little by little is tantamount to slicing someone's throat slowly.
We have grown accustomed to each other, we have been so attached to each other that sometimes the only remedy to avoid the most pain is abandonment. But is it really the perfect patch up for every dilemma?
I have done this many times and I have not learned my lesson yet. All memories are fleeting, all the people we meet in the crossroads have something to contribute in our lives-- may it sadness or joy--- it still is memories made, and after everything else when each other is settled at least you have memories to go back with, when you are old and weary, at least you could say to each other "those were good times, I just wish we had more time." See there's the positive and there's the "wish" there's regret. You ask why we bring flowers to dead people in cemetery everytime we visit, right? Because regret is powerful, regret is knocking. So, while the people around you still breathe, make them feel you love them. People remember us in how we make them feel, not in how we treat them. So, Carpe Diem, my friend.
So, for the third time around? Painful, yes, but this, too, shall pass. Memories are engraved in the tablet of our hearts forever and memories fuel us to live.
Now, are you happy?
