Crenny Week 2021

For Science!

(NSFW. I really don't know what happened here. But I sure had a lot of fun writing it...)

[CLIP 01]

The buzz of static. Black and white lines fuzz across the screen, and then go black. Muffled audio.

"Is it recording?"

"I think so. The little red light is on."

"I don't think the video isn't working."

"That's because your hand is in front of the lens."

"Oh."

The hand is removed, to reveal two young men peering at the camera. The taller is slim and angular, with slicked back dark hair and strong bone structure to his face. He is holding a clip board. The shorter is plump, with frizzy sand-coloured hair, reminiscent of Einstein himself, and a round face smattered with freckles. He is pushing his round gold wire glasses up his snub nose. They are both dressed in fresh white lab coats, ties, and button up shirts. They appear to be in some sort of laboratory, surrounded by rows of counters adorned with microscopes and other such equipment.

"Okay," the taller one says. "Are we ready to begin?"

"We should introduce ourselves," the other replies. "And say the date and stuff."

"Go on then."

"It's the second of September, 2021," he begins. "I'm Kenny McCormick, and this is Craig Tucker. We're fourth year biomedical students at Colorado State University. This is the first of the second set of video records for our current experiment." Kenny looks to Craig. "Where are the pills?"

"Oh." Craig disappears out of frame for a second, then returns with a small white bottle. He tries to hold it up to the camera, but it won't quite focus on it.

"Put your hand behind it," Kenny says. "That's what the beauty gurus do."

Craig does so. The label becomes visible: PRODUCT 069 - DO NOT EAT. He keeps it there for a moment, then takes it away, and hands it to Kenny. "This is the latest version of the new medicine we're developing. The intended effect is to increase both physical and psychological libido, primarily as a counterbalance to many forms of medication whose side effects include decreased sex drive."

"It's like Viagra for the brain!" Kenny says excitedly.

"I think the technical term is aphrodisiac," Craig corrects him.

"Same difference." Kenny waves a hand, and then turns back to address the camera. "So far," he says, "we've only been able to test on lab rats. The results were conclusively successful: the rats who were fed doses of our product had a significantly higher sex drive than our control group."

"The condition seemed to be similar to those animals in heat."

"A sort of induced mating season."

"There were downsides to this, however," Craig says. "Not in terms of side effects or health issues, but more insofar as we wound up having an... overabundance of rats."

"Turns out rat sex makes rat babies," Kenny says. "And lots of rat sex makes a lot of rat babies."

"And one individual who does not know how to lock cages properly makes for a very stressful night," Craig says, glaring at him.

Kenny grins sheepishly. "Chasing rats is a great form of exercise." Craig sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, and Kenny pats him on the arm before continuing. "We've not begun our official trials on human subjects yet," he says, "because we want to be sure that it is safe for human consumption."