My beard begins to frey off as my breath starts to deepen. *sigh* "someone put memes in general again" I say angy. I can feel the fedora sweat dripping from my combover as my "dirt" filled fingernails reach for my keyboard. I type "don't put memes in general >:(" pressing enter aggressively and swiftly rolling over to my waifu body pillow.
"They just don't get it *insert random teenage anime girl*" I stair up into her eyes and watch as she smiles back at me, I feel whole again.
I go to flip her over and then stop. No. Not right now.
Suddenly I see a reply in the corner of my eye, I elegantly scoot my way back to my destination.My eyelids flutter open as I read "fuck off faggot" on the screen. My orbs being to moisten. As the tears slowly role down my cheeks i quickly catch them with my mouth and enjoy every moment. "Salty" I say wiping the rest of my tears.
I yell "MOM MAKE ME CHICKEN STRIPS" minutes later I hear a soft knock at the door. I get up feeling my pasty thighs unstick from the faux leather chair and being waddling to the door. Making sure to slowly turn the cold handle being careful not to lose my balance on the steps. I then pick up the hot plate and drink and scurry back down the steps to my $200 gaming chair,slowly sitting back down into my previous gamer sweat.
I look in awe at my delectable meal when suddenly I see the drink. Dr Pepper. In a State of shock I lean back causing my chair to snap under me. *BAM* *SHART*
I shit my pants.
I sigh and pick myself back up "if only my waifu for lifeu was here"
Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I see something....
Something finely crafted...
Something with big jugs..
"I-its y-you"
I quickly run over with my shart filled pants and hug them
"My 2 liter Mountain Dew bottle!!"
"I've missed you so much"
Finally I am at peace.
The End.
