The beginning 0.5

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I woke up to the sound of my fleeting heart, my chest felt tight and i was gasping for air,

Panic attack
It was the third day in a row now, it was getting worse. I prayed it wouldnt get worse. I wiped away the fading tears that dripped from my eyes, my hands shaking with pins and needles. My callose fingers unlocked the windows and the patter of rain fell heavily ontop of the window sill, it smelt of cool air and mystery.

"Breath, you'll be fine."
She was back again, her long blonde hair draped around the red sweater i remember she wore that the last time i seen her too,
"Charlie? I havent see you in so long where did you go?" Her gaze moved towards the floor and she replies
"You didn't need me, they tried to get rid of me."
My head turned immediatly to my calender, I loved that calender. It showed the moon and when it would be full.

I also seen what she meant, "councilling." I muttered under my breath. Loud enough so she would hear too.

But why would they want to get rid of her? Yes shes done bad things but they shouldnt have gotten rid of her. She was my only friend. Well what i had concidered a friend...

"I dont like her you know?"

My head was pressed against the side of my pillow and the coldness was comforting.
I turn my head slightly just to see her.
"Who do you mean?"
She let out a forced laugh,
"Your mother,"
If im being honest niether do i. I kept my head firmly rested on the pillow till when i turned around she was gone.

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Its been one week and i still havent seen her, she would appear and disappear at random times of my life.
The ability to make me laugh and cry was harsh. Three in the morning and she woke me so she could scream at me, my mother had to rush into my cold dark bedroom as i sat with my hand in my knees trying to contain myself, not a moment later and she was gone.

She had asked me who was I talking to in my room last week when she came home from her weekly yoga class, maybe she did it to feel active but in the more likely scenario she was fucking the instructor.

I answered "Charlie."

No questions were answered after that.

Her hair was pulled up into a long pony tail and the right arm was clutching to the mat,

Mother - Had me when she was 17
Regrets it
Along with many other mistakes

She shrugged her shoulders as a way to communicate with me, it seemed to be her signature move.
I stared out the paned windows, the sky looked as though it was sad. The shadow it created on the ground was worthy of a photo. I turned my head just to hear the door slam, I was alone.

I'm usually alone

I liked being alone, it was like I could discover things in the space of a few hours or two.
The eeriness of the quiet filled my head and my body till I had no longer and thoughts, or feelings.

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