a secret love

chapter 1

8/31

Today was the first day of school. It feels like I've been here the whole time because of Sue's crazy practice schedule. I've been dreading this day for the two moths of summer, and it felt as bad as I predicted. Nothing bad happened, it's just that I have to pretend. Pretend I'm perfect. Pretend that I'm in love with luck and that I hate Rachel. Because I don't. She's my whole world, she's the only one who makes me feel something. And it hurts, it stings because I know that she will never like me. She doesn't care. I'm just her boyfriend's ex.

I don't want her to be happy. I was the one who made Finn happy. Low and behold I did a shitty job. The second he was free, he went and snatched me up. He ruined my life. He was the reason why I got kicked out of my home. Why now I only feel something when I look at her. And I know I have the same chance of getting with her as Sue getting a husband.

Rachel's POV

Today was average. I haven't really felt happiness for I don't even know how long. I have to pretend. To pretend I'm happy but I'm not. All I feel is hatred and pain. I don't love Finn. And I hate that I let him think that. But the second I tell him, the second I come clean, is the moment it's over for him. People have been afflicting their pain, their anger onto me, the moment I first walked these halls. I know first hand how it feels, and it doesn't feel good. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I broke Finn the way everyone broke me. Because I don't love him romantically, but I still do care. Santana said I should get deported back to the temple. Oh, and Sam. His opinion is the only thought in that room that matters. And he made some unintentionally snarky comment about my nose.

I've never thought a boy is hot. Some of them are attractive, but I've never gotten a 'rumble in the jungle' (as Ms. Holliday would say) when I get around them. The only proud and loud lady loving lesbian here is Santana, and let's just say I don't like being the home wrecker.

I saw Quinn in the bathroom. Jamie had said that he's ready and been preparing for this moment, and all I needed to do was "say the magic word" and I'm his. He disgusts me. The only way I could get away from him is camp out in the bathroom until the bell for 6th rang. It was the straw that broke my back. I broke down in the big stall and just sobbed. So much had happened in the past few days. I've been trying to avoid it. If I shatter my perfect image, people will go back to daily slushies. Quinn walked in and I held my breath. I didn't know who it was, but the second she called my name I stood up and fell into her arms.

She was there for me. She didn't have to say anything because I knew. I knew that she is the sole person that no matter what I did, or what has happened, that at the end of the day, she's here. We bicker but deep down inside, we feel tethered.