IT'S COMPLICATED

CHAPTER ONE

"I don't think we should be best friends anymore" Those were the words ringing in my head. The smile on my lip slowly fades as those surprising words came out of Marcus's mouth. I was dumbfounded. I just couldn't believe such words were being said to me by my best friend.

"Marcus, we have been best friends since we were in diapers. We were inseparable. why would you say such words" I said as tears began to form at the corners of my eyes.

"it's because I love you, Hanna it's for your own good," Marcus said as he looked emotionless.

I couldn't understand. As he was walking away I didn't know what to do. I just looked as he walks away from me for a few seconds.

"you can't just let him leave," my mind told me and that's when I came back to my senses and ran and hugged him from the back.

"Don't leave me. You are my best friend. I love you" I said as I hugged him tightly sobbing.

He turned around to face me and said
"I love you too Hanna. But we both know what you want isn't possible"

"I can change. forget about what I said. just do not leave me" I said with tears rolling down my eyes. I love him too much for us not to be best friends anymore.

"You love me and I love you too. But you know I don't consider you as a girlfriend. I love you too much for that" He said as he looked at me straight in the eye.

"I don't care if you don't like me like that. I just want things to be exactly the way they were," I said looking at him hoping he would change his mind.

"Stop it, Hanna. Things can never be the same" He yelled which caught me off guard.
Marcus and I yell at each other but never like this. There was so much authority as he yelled at me now. I almost couldn't believe it was him.

He kissed me on my forehead and said
"it's for your own good"

"Marcus!"

"Marcus!" I yelled but he only walked away leaving me in my sadness. I had just lost my best friend, a brother, the only person I could ever trust only because of my stupid teenage hormones that say they love him.

If I am being true to myself, it's not just the hormones. I truly love Marcus ever since we were kids and now I have lost him because of those stupid feelings.

"How can one love so deeply," I thought to myself

I fell to the ground as I cried so terribly that I almost couldn't catch my breath.
I punched the ground repeatedly cursing at myself for being such a moron for telling Marcus how I felt.

The pain I feel right now is none like any other. I feel like I have lost half of my life. I feel like a piece of my heart has been taken away from me.

"How will I move on?"
"How can I move on?" I asked myself. 

My fists are very bloody now from punching the rocky ground so much and I don't even care. I keep on punching the ground hoping it would relieve the pain I feel inside of my heart. I punched and punched on the rough ground but nothing felt good. It felt good to punish myself for being a dumb bitch but no amount of pain is enough punishment for my stupidity.

After minutes of punching my hand to the ground, I gave up because the pain wasn't painful enough.

All I did was cry and scream and curse at myself because I truly deserved it. After some time I began to notice the stares people walking by were giving me. I mean it is the parking lot of an amusement park.

A lady walking with a little kid stared so long I became very irritated.
"what did fuck are you looking at?" I asked the woman but she was finding it hard for words to come out of her mouth.
"if you have nothing to say to me get the fuck out of my face. You and your little bitch" I said and the poor lady just walked away.