Sorry Note

"There will be days where you don't want to wake up, you will have good days and bad days. It happens to everyone." I was trying to pay attention to the counsellor but I had too much on my mind. The stress from school, drama at home, everything rushed into my mind at once. I felt a waterfall of emotions all at the same time.
"Hello?"
Shit. I had zoned out.
"Sorry what was your question?"
"What are you taking to help you sleep?"
"Melatonin" I didnt want to tell her I hadn't been taking it.
"It's it working?"
I hesitated, I'm a terrible liar but she believed me when I said yes. I managed to get a few words out after that, but it wasn't much. We were only 20 minutes into the conversation and I already wanted to leave.
By the time the bell rang, I was half asleep. On the way home I was thinking about some things the counsellor said. She told me to relax before I tried to sleep. Like that would change anything. Insomnia doesn't go away that easily.
When I got home I collapsed on my bed. I was tired, but there was no chance of me falling asleep for more than 30 minutes.
I sighed. "I guess that's better than nothing." I slept for almost 20 minutes. Better than usual, I actually had a dream this time. I dreamt about school, I'm not really surprised though. It's all I've been able to think about lately. "Atleast it's almost the weekend."
"What?" My mom walked by my door. Oops. I didnt mean to say that so loud. "Oh, well it's time for supper."
I made my way downstairs, as much as I didn't want to eat I did anyways. I puked it up about an hour later. Not because I couldn't keep it down, I didn't really want to keep it down. So I purged.
If you haven't noticed, I have a lot of problems. I have insomnia and an eating disorder but nobody knows about that part. I'm depressed, I self harm and I have a few anxiety disorders. I'm just your average fucked up teen.
I'm not always like this, I'm good at covering it up. Some nights are harder than others, but I'm surviving. I'm not happy, but school is more important than my mental health anyways.
Okay, back to the real world. After I purged I went to bed. It was only 8:00 but I didnt have anything better to do. After 9 hours of lying in bed I finally got to sleep. Once I woke up I realized I had only slept for 2 hours, school should be interesting.
I was right, school was HELL. I couldn't focus to save my life. It doesn't help that everyone was pushing me around, trying to see my scars. Nobody likes me at school, but it usually doesn't bother me too much. This time they really got to me. I like to take it out on myself, even if I don't deserve it. Home was just as bad as school My dad was passed out on the couch. Drunk, again. When he's not drunk he's high. This was normal, so I ignored him and went upstairs to read for awhile.
Most days are like this: I go school, come home, eat, puke, and then sleep. I've forgotten what okay feels like. Things came crashing down all at the same time. Things seemed to get worse as the year went on. I went from eating 3 meals a day to 1 meal a day. Eventually I just stopped eating altogether. There wasn't a day that went by without me getting beat up by the kids at school. That lead to self harm every day. I was pretty much unwanted by everyone. Same shit, different day.
On April 15 2013 my friend Nathan ( the only friend I had left.) died of lung cancer. I was alone. After Nathan died I was so far from okay, I spent days crying realizing every bad thing that's happened. I was ready to give up. On June 3 I decided, I was going to kill myself. I've tried 4 times but this time I knew. I took out my pen and paper and wrote:

jυne 3rd
dear ғaмιly and ғrιendѕ,
ι'м ѕorry, ғor everyтнιng. ι'м ѕorry ι've pυѕнed yoυ all away. тнιngѕ wιll вe вeттer wιтнoυт мe нere, don'т ғeel вad. ι proмιѕe none oғ тнιѕ ιѕ yoυr ғaυlт. goodвye.
love, jenna.

I took out my razor blades and a bottle of sleeping pills. I went into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and cried. "How did I let myself get this bad?" I asked myself over and over again. "Goodbye." I whispered as I placed my note on the sink. I looked in the mirror for once say time, then I downed the whole bottle of sleeping pills, sliced my wrists and waited. I saw my mom open up the door. All I could say was "I love you." And then she was gone.