The Hospital

On February 22 I tried to end my life. Nobody was home. "Perfect time to do it." I thought to myself. I went to the bathroom and brought my blades. I sat in the bathtub and cut every inch of my legs, arms and feet. Then I went to my room and kept cutting myself. Blood was everywhere but I cleaned it up. Once I realized how much I was bleeding I got panicked. I called 811 to see how to stop the bleeding. Everything was good until they asked how I got cut. I told the woman that I did it to myself, and then she asked if it was a suicide attempt. I was embarrassed but I told her the truth. She sent the ambulance to my house while she stayed on the phone with me. While we were waiting for the ambulance she asked me if I had stopped cutting, at the exact same time I made the deepest cuts on my arm and went into shock. I went pale and started shaking. The lady on the phone told me to go where the paramedics could see me. I waited in the kitchen until I heard sirens. Once I heard the sirens, I screamed. It was the most terrifying experience of my life. 3 random people coming into my house, wrapping me in bandages, asking me questions. There was only a little bit of blood on the kitchen floor and the paramedics thought that was all the blood I had lost. They put bandages everywhere on my body and layed me on the couch. The same day ____ and ____ were suppose to come get me and take me to ______. So they showed up at my house while the ambulance was there and I was covered in blood. The paramedics asked if I knew who _____ was, I said yes so they let her inside. I don't remember much after that part of the conversation but _____ said I was really pale and still in shock. she told me that I kept staring off. after _____ talked with me for awhile, I got in the ambulance and waved goodbye to ______. I didn't talk very much on the ambulance, only when they asked questions. Once I got to the roseway hospital in _______ they took me to the emergency room and waited for my mom and aunt to get there. When they got there, I told the nurses I didn't want to see my mother. I wouldn't tell them why, but they let me wait until I was ready. Eventually I talked to both of them. I ended up staying in the hospital for 4 days. Someone watched me every second of the day. I didn't like it there, but I did meet a young nurse that I trusted with everything. She helped me through a lot. One of the days in the hospital my other aunt, Dawn, brought me some things to do. (Pencils, paper, crafts, etc.) there was a pencil sharpener with the coloured pencils she brought, nobody knew about it but me. That night around 12 am, I went into the bathroom, took apart the pencil sharpener and cut all over my body. (Again) this sent me into a panic attack. I couldn't lay back in my bed all bloody and shaking so I went into the hall and hid under the sink. One of the nurses found me and called security to watch me all night. Having a 300 pound black guy watching your every move is pretty terrifying. After 4 days of hospital food, old people, way too many puzzles and lots of crying, they sent me to Halifax. (IWK) we were there for a long time but they didn't keep me over night. Nothing has been the same since this happened.