🦋In Pursuit of First and Only Love❄️

To be able to see you again is my greatest wish

I have always known my Father hated me. Even when he was married to Mother, he had the same fallacious attitude I once had. Except in the place of my false feeling for everyone except Shinobu-chan. Then once I was reborn my mother did her best to give me the love I was denied back then.

My parents' marriage was a flimsy one once again. They were young when they got pregnant with me. My father wasn't always faithful before they got married, but my mother believed that he indeed loved her. Was it just coincidence or was it just my fate to be born to parents with compatibility issues?

It wasn't until I was ten when she opened her eyes. Mother had to go and visit her ill aunt unexpectedly, so I was left alone with Father for a few weeks. Nothing was very different from usual. We had some quiet meals together, I did my homework, but Dad kept to himself otherwise.

It wasn't until a Thursday after school when my dad was supposed to come to pick me up, I waited outside my school. It was October so it was cold. I assured my teachers and the other staff that Dad was on his way. I waited and waited and the sky eventually turned dark orange and pink and even colder. Soon enough I gave up and started my trek home. The stars were twinkling by the time I reached my doorsteps.

Only to be left disappointed. The doors were locked and I had forgotten my key that day. The car was nowhere in sight to boot. Meaning Dad wasn't home and even though I was young I knew there's no way he missed me if he was trying to find me. Being reborn with my previous life's memories boosted my cognitive abilities.

With no other options, I tucked my legs into my long coat and waited on the doorstep. I recalled the winters in Hokkaido in my past life. Except now I can feel loneliness with the cold. But that loneliness was also accompanied by a bitterness... Because I missed her. I yearned to see Shinobu-chan again. In my mind, there was no point in existing if I could never see her again.

The coldness of the night eventually lulled me to sleep with thoughts of Shinobu-chan being my only companion.

In my dream, or perhaps my new afterlife I have more feelings of happiness and euphoria than I ever felt in my previous life, be it as a human or demon. Then again it was never real. But here, I am with the one woman I love. Surrounded by red and purple lotuses and hydrangeas.

Shinobu-chan and I are embraced in her arms and vice versa. She smells so sweet, not too dissimilar to the scent of wisteria that permeated her petite frame. But this time around, I can truly appreciate it. Her smile is pure and vibrant. If time could stop, I would want to live in this place with her. I just desire to live a life with her.

The world suddenly starts shaking and Shinobu starts fading away from me. I desperately try holding on but to no avail. She fades away. Thus, I'm left alone... just like last time.

I awoke to the smell of a hospital room and the worried voice of my mother above me. I was being warmed up in the bed. I still felt incredibly chilly. Isn't ironic that I could control ice in my previous life? It is not long before she notices that I am awake. Trembling with relief, my mom throws herself as gently as she can on me. Back in my first life, my mother never hugged me this gently.

"Douma! I was so worried. You could've frozen to death if the neighbors hadn't found you!" Mother was bawling her eyes out. Back then, she only considered me to be the vessel of the gods and not her son. She accepted all the perks of being the one who birthed me, but her love was surface at best. now in the new life, in this new world, she's different.

"Kurosawa-san?" a voice from behind us coughed, a little unsure of interrupting us. Mother made a tch sound at the use of the name 'Kurosawa'

It was becoming clear that her frustration with Father was boiling over.