Unsuspecting Love

Chapter 1

"Baby please. Don't do this. Is there nothing I can do to change your mind? I want to fight for us". Thick with tears and desperation, his voice was cracked and wobbly as he pleaded with me. He had given up trying to keep it together once he realised my mind was set. I'd never seen him this vulnerable before, and while it broke my heart seeing him this way, it was something that had to be done. He had encased my hands in his own as he begged with me.

For 10 years, he had been all that I had known. And while we had some happy times and made some great memories together, we were still in the same position we were in 6 years ago. I was ready to move on and take the next step in our relationship, be it a baby, getting married or simply moving into our own place, but he seemed to be happy living the cushty life that he'd had for so long and I was done with it. My life had been put on hold for far too long. I'm not getting any younger and I wasn't going to wait around any longer and be in a dead relationship.

Shaking my head, I pulled my hands away from his light grasp, and set them in my lap. "No. My minds been made and there's no changing it. I don't want to do this with you anymore Micah. I can't. It's not fair on either of us to be together when I'm so miserable and not in love with you anymore". His cries were quiet as he listened to me go on about why I no longer wanted to be with him.

For a couple of years, I'd felt off about the relationship. I had no idea what I was feeling, but all I knew was that I found myself wondering what it would be like to be with somebody else, wondering what else was out there for me. I tried to think about a proper future with Micah, but every time there was a shadow of doubt and uncertainty.

I'd started to get the ick and had noticed things that had started to really piss me off, like how loud he is when he eats. I felt like I was mothering him; always having to do things that he could easily do himself but was simply too lazy to do; I would constantly be clearing up his mess because he couldn't be bothered to do anything.

I didn't want to tell him all of this though; I didn't want to break his heart even more, and so I only sugar-coated it and told him only parts of my reasons. I was trying my hardest to not lose my cool. I needed to stay strong. I couldn't cry at this - not yet anyway. I diverted my eyes and turned my head up to look at the ceiling and took a deep breath before blowing it out slowly as I tried to regain my composure.

"How can I be with someone and love them when I don't love myself? I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm sick and tired of the pressure everyone puts on us and the expectation that follows. We've been together for so long that we've both lost ourselves. Let's face it, neither one of us are happy and if we're being incredibly honest, this relationship isn't going anywhere".

With his head in his hands, tears dripped between the cracks of his fingers as they covered his eyes, and his shoulders shook uncontrollably. I knew I had broken his heart, and I did genuinely feel bad, but I had to start putting myself first.

Trying to block out his cries, I looked around the bedroom. We were sitting on the edge of our small double bed that was made in dark blue covers that matched the walls. The pillows were basically depleted of any fluff and were the thinnest, most uncomfortable things that I had ever laid my head on. I'd mentioned numerous times about getting new pillows, but it was like talking to a brick wall. Those, I definitely won't miss.

The room was small and was only big enough to space the bed, a chest of drawers and a desk. We had a built-in wardrobe that helped save some space, but it was still a rather modest sized room. The area was featureless and basically empty; the walls were barren of any pictures or posters or any other form of decoration. His desk was decorated by his laptop and a singular picture frame with him and I in it, with its shelf being home to his gaming console and a TV that hung on the wall to complete the set up.