The smell of vomit and blood fills the air while the house is filled with confusion, anxiety, tears and silence, deep deep silence. It's about 2 a.m on a tuesday morning and for the second time since last week Alyana spits out gushing blood and saliva.
Dad's rushing around while our older brother Tom is on the phone with emegency services. Me,what am i doing, and who am I ? Well i could barely answer that myself . I'm Bella Miller, Alyana's my twin, well, triplet. But when Charlotte our sister died of lung cancer last year and our mother in a car accident,our whole family got weird. Except for Alyana, I amdired her for that she was always leaving things to the past. Things have been worst lately and even Alyana can't control her emotions anymore.
It started of last year in October, it was mildly worm but with cold wind coming in now and then. I remember it like it was yesterday. We had just come back from visiting Charlotte at the hospital. Everything was going pretty well. We were on our way home and mom was droping us off so she could get some time alone and do some groceries. Dad, Alyana, Tom and I were all playing scabble at the kitchen table and drinking hot chocolates. It was a pretty enjoyable evening until we got a call, I picked up laughing at a joke Tom had said and knowing who it was thanks to caller ID
"Hi mom" I said.
But to my suprise a man answered
"Is your father Robert Miller?"
I immidietly stoped laughing and said " Yes, may I know who this is?"
I thought mom had just lost her phone again, but I was wrong.
" My name is George, I am a local police officer, could I please speak to your father?"
I started to be frighted and everyone was staring at me. Dad with a huge smile on his face and Alyana and Tom not so sur of what was going on.
"Yes....sir" I finally replied not to sure what to think anymore.
I handed the phone to dad. He put the phone to his ear and we heard the man mumble something. Dad stood up from his chair with a worried look and his face. I felt tears comming through and I could se dad had some too.
" Who was it?" mumbled Alyana.
Since I was still under shock, I didn't relpy.
" Bella you can tell us" Tom said attempting to make me talk. I was about to reply, when we heard the phone beep and a sniffle. Dad came back into the room wiping away tears. Tom and Alyana had probably figured it out by now since them too started to cry. We sat there crying for a bit until dad yelled. "Guys stop crying". We looked up in to what seemed to be unison with a questioned look on our faces.
" Yes, kids your mother was in a car accident. but right now, at this momment she is still alive and in the hospital, at risk of dying soon. If we don't go see her soon we will never get to say goodbye"
We stood up and went to grab our coats, I thought about Charlotte and how she only lived with our mom for eight years of her life.As we got to the hospital, we rushed to the front desk and dad asked to go see mom while the three of us went to get Charlotte so she could be there with us.. Charlotte was starteled to see us come to her room at this time, and for the second time today.
" What are you guys doing here and where are mom and dad?" demanded Charlotte.
Tom told her to throw some clothes on and that he would meet us in mom's room.
" What does he mean by mom's room and where is she?"
We explained what had happend as she got dressed and out of her hospital robe. She then realized why she needed to look good: We did not want mom to see her in bad shape for the last time.The three of us rushed to room 1012 and just as we got through the door we saw Tom and dad holding Elizabeth Miller 's hands. Also known as mom's hands. The ones that she used to tuck us in with when we were young, to flip pages throught story books she read to us and and to rub our backs with when we were sick. I stood there paralized I was the only one not crowded in with mom, I was the only one apart. I heard a beep from the machine next to the hospital bed and saw tears running down everyones face. And that's when I realized I was different, it explained why out of all family members I was the only one with auburn hair and a freckled face. I was the only one who wasn't always rushing,nor full of energergy. I was the only calm one.
So that's what brings us back to today, no one addmits that I was adopted, they all tell me I got my hair and freckles from my grandfather. They might not be lying I have seen pictures before. But i still have doupts, I'm the only one out of the Miller girls who hasn't died or been in the hospital. Yet I always find myself here, like right now. We all new this day would come. Alyana on the verge of dying from the same cause. Charlotte and mom already dead, and Tom has through the years become a dealer. Yes, a drug dealer. It might make you think "what a pscho" or "he must look bad". But you're wrong he doesn't take them, dad does. Tom simply sells them to help our family live. Dad hasn't had a job since moms death and Tom and I both know he will probably have to go to rehab sometime soon.
It's been two days since we've seen Alyana. We don't want to see her, I know to you that might it sound cruel. But why should we? We've been through so much already. Alyana's case is worst than Charlotte's and for all we know she could be dying right now. Dad's in the hospital too, recovering from an overdose. Which started the day we found out Alyana had lung cancer.
So for the past two days, i've been living an a house made for six people. With my eighteen year old, drug dealing brother. Soon enough I know dad's going to go to rehab, probably as soon as he recovers. I know that when that when that day comes I'll need to get a job to. But for now I'll just live my life like there's no tommorow. I'll wear the cutest clothes in school, be the nicest one in school, the smartest and all those good things. No one will ever know how I really feel, because I'll hide all my pain with a smile.I haven't been to school or seen anyone smile for about a year. I barely remember how to smile. So I decide to stand up. I look in the mirror and smile, as I do so I look into my own eyes and sing a song my mother used to sing to me.Then it all comes back all the pain I stoped feeling after Charlottes death. All the frustration, anger,confusion and the...Saddness. This sadness has never felt so strong before. I've never cried so much as I have in the passed minutes. I've never felt so empty, ashamed that I never understood this feeling before and I just feel sad.
