What's wrong with me? What was I thinking?
Earlier this day I got bumped by a guy who smelled exactly as him.
Tangina, the place was so crowded. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. Pero hinanap ko sya. Walang kasiguraduhan na sya yun pero kilala ko yung amoy na yun. Gusto kong hanapin yung taong yun.
Kahit may appointment ako, I still looked for it. Knowing that there's an 80% chance na hindi ko na makikita yung guy na yun, I still searched. Until I got tired.
Huminto muna ako sa isang coffee shop to calm myself. I need to stop. Hindi na healthy to.
Just like the other day, nakakita rin ako ng isang lalaki na kapareho nya ng hoodie. Hindi ko na naman napigilan yung sarili ko. Hinabol ko yung guy. When I was about to talk to him nakita ko na hindi pala sya yun.
Ewan ko kung bakit ko pa ginagawa to? Sinabi nya na naman sakin na ayaw nya na. Gusto ko nang tumigil. Pero hindi ko magawang palampasin yung mga pagkakataong ganon.
What if makita ko nga sya dba?
What if by that time namimiss nya na pala ako?
What if he's also looking for me?
Hindi ko namalayan na 30 minutes na pala akong nakatunganga sa coffee shop. These past few days I've always been spacing out.
Nakaramdam naman ako ng hiya nung nakita ko na sobrang dami palang tao. Samantalang hindi ko man lang nasisimulan pang kainin yung in-order ko.
Bibilisan ko na lang yung pagkain. Nakakahiya naman sa kanila.
So ayun nga, right after I finished my food, I left right away.
I don't know where exactly to go since I cancelled my appointment earlier.
Wala naman akong class today, hindi ko naman ma-contact yung bestfriend ko.
So what do I do?
Everywhere I go, I found memories of us.
Everything I do, still reminds me of your smile, the sound of your laugh and that sparkle in your eyes.
ugh I can't help it. Ang tagal na nating wala pero ikaw pa rin pala.
I saw a bench near a fountain and just sat there for a while.
There were kids all over the place and I smiled just at the thought of being a kid again.
No worries, no stress, just fun.
A kid then approached me and gave me a flower. That flower and the smile from that kid made me forget about you for a jiffy.
Then a guy suddenly sat beside me. Medyo nahiya naman ako kasi para akong timang na nakangiti dun nung dumating sya. Malaki naman yung bench so I don't really mind. He's still at a distance.
"It'll be fine. Just smile"
I looked around to see if he's talking to anyone nearby but there's no one around except me and the kids.
Bigla namang lumapit ng konti sakin yung lalaki and said, "I'm sorry for interfering you, but it seem to me that you're bothered by something or perhaps someone?"
Wait, what?
How did he know? OMG that was creepy.
"Don't worry, I mean no harm. I was just observing you while I was sitting on the other side. And with that frown, I know you're not okay. But as I've said, it will be. So just smile."
"Are you some kind of a mind reader?"
I heard him chuckle and that was so genuine. I can't help it but laugh as well.
"Anyway miss, I'm Ken Mendoza."
He stretched his hand for a handshake, sa tingin ko naman hindi sya manyakis or something kaya okay lang sakin.
"I'm Audrey Perez. Thank you." nginitian ko na lang sya ulit.
I mean he's too kind for a stranger.
"Don't thank me missy. It's no big deal. Okay, I'll be going. Make sure to always wear that smile huh?"
He then waved me goodbye.
After a few minutes, I decided to just go home. I was not productive at all.
Tinago ko lang yung flower from the kid sa book ko. And then I looked for a taxi para hindi na hassle pauwi.
Medyo comfy naman yung nasakyan kong cab, I was at peace kaso biglang tumugtog yung favorite song nya. ugh. Why does he have to ruin such good songs?
"Kuya, palipat naman po nung station."
Agad namang nilipat ni kuyang driver. Ayoko muna syang maalala. For once, I don't want to chase those memories.
Today I am both happy and sad.
Sad of the fact that I know you're still gone but happy for that one stranger who made me feel okay even for just a minute.
I wish there were more of him. More of people that would help me get by. Because I honestly am dependent on people.
I guess I was just used to it. Of having someone wiith me.
But you left.
