𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕠𝕥𝕙è𝕖 ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕥 𝕀𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤

𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕥

e

-

"what do you think living in sadness means" I asked a rather deep, meaningful question. It was that time of night again; baggy clothes, crying, and darkness (of different sorts)

Timothèe sighed next to me, from where he lay in the dark. "I think..it means not allowing yourself to see anything positive in life".  I felt my heart pick up the pace, "explain" I said 

so he did. "when you get to a point of sadness, you can't think of anything, or any situation without finding the negative or being worried. Some people do it on habit, and some don't even know they do it" he cleared his throat, "finding a negative doesn't have to always be extreme, sometimes its small, microscopic "

I thought about what he said, "I think I may live like that" 

Timothèe sighed quietly, making a small 'tsk' noise and turning to his side. "why? when did your problems start piling on?" 

I thought for a minute, when did they start getting bad... when did I start getting bad...?

"the beginning of last month" my voice cracked a little, I sound pathetic 

"you can't live happily if you don't let yourself" I nodded, knowing he couldn't barely see me, "find the root of your problems, or at least a root, and destroy it. Sometimes you need to give things up, and just try"

I closed my eyes, thinking about the past week and how awful I have been feeling

"I don't know what to do or where to start" I sigh, rubbing my eyes, feeling a headache coming on

"then start by doing small things to make you happy, and you'll be able to tell the different in your mood changes, from when you feel happy to do something, or upset and anxious" I could briefly see amongst the darkness, the movement of his hands as he spoke, "once you're able to tell when you're not happy, go from there, and battle around it" 

I nodded, understanding better

"what do you need, what do you want, and how can you get it"

I had to take a moment, because I knew what I wanted, but is it what I need, and how would I even get what I needed, when I can't even make myself happy 

"I want to feel loved and understood, I need peace" I squeezed my eyes shut 

"how can you get the peace you think you need?" Timothèe spoke smooth. like he's been through this procedure before, over and over 

"I need time, and a break from everything, I'm too busy" 

time. never enough of, always taken away as each second passes 

time is everything. Time is money, time is relationships, time is peace. 

"take time, make the time, get the time" he stated, "cancel plans, rest, and keep moving when you're ready" 

I understood what he meant, I did, but it's easier said than done

"I feel stuck, stuck in place" 

he reached out to put a loving hand on my cheek, stroking his thumb back and fourth, "tu es plus forte que tu ne le penses, chérie" (you're stronger than you think, honey)

"what does that mean" I ask, my voice making pathetic cracks again;

he grabbed for my body and pulled it close to his, engulfing me into his embrace

I wrapped my arms around him, feeling a sense of comfort in the midst of the conversation we've been having 

"I said you're stronger than you think you are, and I mean it, I know it's true because you prove it every day" he said calm, and comfortingly 

I sighed, not fully believing what he said, but appreciating each word, "you need to go to sleep, Tim" I stroked the back of his head, running my hand over the back of his neck soothingly 

"I mean it y/n, I love you" he hugged me tight 

I rested my forehead on his shoulder, "yeah, thanks Timmy, I. love you too". I spoke quiet, just wanted to sleep and forget about problems for a while

"now get some sleep, my lovely girl" he said, kissing my temple 

I didn't realize how tired I was, because closing my eyes felt like lifting a weight off my shoulders 

I rolled on my side, facing away from him, "goodnight Timmy, I love you" I said quietly 

he shifted behind me and draped his arms around my waist, setting his cheek by my neck, "night baby, I love you most" 

"not a chance"