Rediscovering The Stars

Chapter 5 part 2

December 22nd 1981

"Remus?"

The man stood in the doorway, shifting his feet awkwardly under the intense gaze of James Potter,
"uh, hey. I thought I'd come visit." Silence followed, making Remus feel even more uncomfortable and unwelcomed in the home of his previous best friend. "I'm sorry." That snapped James out of his little world, his eyes brimming with tears that looked well overdue.
"Remus, you fucking wanker!" he bellowed, throwing himself at the lanky brunet with every ounce of his strength, "I missed you! I was so worried!" despite everything, Remus felt himself tearing up and clutching onto the man on top of him for dear life,
"I'm so sorry-"
"James!" somebody shouted, the shrill voice could only belong to one person, "what on earth are you- Remus?!" James shifted off him, still wiping his eyes as he watched his wife fall down to her knees and embrace Remus in the warmest hug he'd felt since he was a child being held by his mother after a rough day at primary school,
"Lily!" James screeched, tugging her sleeve, "pinch me, damnit! Make sure I'm not dreaming." followed by a squeak of pain when Lily actually did pinch his arm, apparently much harder than he expected her to, prompting a loud laugh to bubble from deep inside Remus's throat.

Looking into the house's corridor, Remus finally noticed another figure. a figure holding what looked to be a toddler in their arms. Long, wavy pieces of dark hair graced their shoulders, partially tied up in an I-obviously-had-to-do-this-last-minute bun. Pale, almost white skin graced by little to no blemishes or scars, unlike Remus's own face. Familiar steel-grey eyes meeting honey yellow once more after so many years apart, falling into the same routine of spiralling together in a dance between the two men. Canis.

The child in his arms babbled loudly, reaching his chubby little hands out toward the three adults on the floor outside the door frame, soaked through and through from the wet and cold snow. Canis set the child carefully on the floor, leaning against the plaster walls and watched the toddler stumbled his way over to his parents and Remus, collapsing onto his mother's legs.
"Harry!" James sounded slightly distressed, "Is he ok? Did he hit his head?" Remus tilted his head and looked the child up and down, staring into his wide little green doe eyes that peered out from the folds of his mother's jumper he'd wound his hands through. His skin matched James's more than Lily's, though he definitely had her eyes and soft sprinkling of faint freckles on his nose, and a strange little birthmark on his head that resembled a crackling bolt of thunder, long and thin prongs tracing from the right side of his hairline down to his left eyebrow. The child, Harry, whined and clambered into Lily's arms, nuzzling into the slightly damp material of her soft shirt. The brunet smiled shyly, and watched the large, forest green eyes drift shut.

"Remus Lupin." the man shivered as he looked up and away from Harry at the man leaning against the door frame, "Finally back after four and a half years living it up in New York, eh?" He huffed a laugh to himself, finally standing up and pulled his cardi closer around himself,
"I guess so." he responded, holding out a free-hand, "For a while, at least." The slight quirk in Canis's lips dropped as if he'd realized the implications of his ex fiancé's words,
"For a while?" he asked, gaze still trained on the scarred man's own honey-opal eyes, "You're leaving again?"

Lily stepped in, placing one of her hands on each of their shoulders,
"Now now, boys. Let's all head inside before we all keel over from hypothermia, It's frigid out here." Remus nodded and the Potters retreated into their home, shuffling upstairs to put Harry to bed, uncertain on the idea of leaving the ex lovers alone together. Canis waved them off and crossed his arms, shooting Remus a soft glare,
"You have a lot of bloody explaining to do, you know." He muttered, rubbing the bridge of his nose slightly, "Why'd you leave? Without a goodbye, no less."

Remus knew this had been coming the second he noticed Canis in the hallway gazing into his eyes with an emotion he couldn't quite place as hatred, sadness or relief. He braced himself to respond,
"Canis. Listen. I didn't-"
"Sirius."
"What?" he stared at the man in front of him in confusion, the cogs in his head turning ever so slowly.
"I stopped going by Canis two years ago. It's Sirius, now." he shrugged, his eyes dull and grey, nothing like the young adult Remus once loved, "Not that you would've known." No bright, mischievous glint that he'd fallen head over heels for.
"Oh." Remus stood awkwardly, playing with the bobbling sleeve of his cardigan, "Right. Well, Sirius, I'm sorry." Sirius stared at him, eyes shining slightly as they reflected the constantly blinking lights from the Christmas lights that were strung up around Godric's Hollow.

"Sorry isn't going to fix it, Remus." the brunet felt every ounce of hope that the ebony haired man would forgive him crash and burn deep inside his heart, "You left me alone without closure for almost five years without any effort to contact me. Then you show up out of the blue, on Christmas no less, and expect sorry to fix everything?" round, pearly tears occasionally dripped down Sirius's face, rolling down his perky cheekbones and falling from his jawline like icicles. "Say something, you arsehole!"
"I know." Remus managed to push out, his mind clouded by the fact he, Remus Lupin, had made his childhood sweetheart cry when he even laid eyes on him after four years, "I know sorry means fuck all at this point after what I did. If you don't want anything to do with me, just say so. I'd understand." Sirius wiped his eyes and turned his back, flicking a strand of hair behind onto his shoulder, fixing his grey crop-top,
"We'll just have to see, won't we?" he muttered, exiting the hall and walking into the kitchen.

 His hair had grown, Remus realized. Longer, thicker and definitely shinier. When he'd last seen him, Sirius's hair was a deep, midnight black that he'd cut himself just above his shoulders in a messy bob type style; thin and curly strands that twisted effortlessly over his sharp cheekbones. Now, however, he seemed to have grown it out. The short, thin strands were completely gone, replaced by a cascade of thick, dark and shiny black curls that fell down to his upper back in beautiful swirls that had Remus mesmerized the second he noticed them, which was pretty much immediately.

Fuck. He's still in love with the man he broke four years ago.