I lost her. The most precious person in the world to me was gone. Is gone. I didn't want to believe it. I called her phone every day just to hear her voicemail. I sat in the bathroom at work and I cried. I just cried. My boss new what was going on and gave me a couple weeks leave. During that time, all I did was lay on my bed. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I didn't even turn up to class. I just layed there. Silently. Just ringing her phone over and over again just hoping she would pick up. Her funeral was the worst part of it all. Her filthy funcking father didn't even turn up. He just got drunk at the local bar. I seriously thought about suicide. I just wanted to run a bath, Draw a line down my wrist with a knife and watch myself fade away. Not once did I cut myself though. I've only cut with her and it's going to stay that way. I decided that lying down wasting away wasn't going to do any good. So I stole 100 bucks from my parents went out and got blind drunk with my friends. One of them said they knew what I was going through. So i grabbed him, slammed him up against the wall and punched him in the face. He had no idea what I was going through. I blamed myself. I kept telling myself that it was my fault because I wasn't with her. I wanted to die.
My mother sent me to therapy. At first I didn't say much but my therapist really helped me open up. She was the first person I cried in front of since the funeral.After months and months Of therapy I finally stopped blaming myself. I came to terms with what happened and I now accept it. Not a day go's by where I don't think about her though. I will always love her no matter what.
Please if you are going through a similar situation don't be afraid to get help My therapist saved my life.
