Many moons had passed since I left my bed. It was a cozy place. With crimson red silk sheets and complete privacy. Curtains draped the sides and the polished black oak posts shined brightly. Then again, what the fuck is so great about a coffin anyways? I checked my pocket watch. My last gift from father before he died. I could barely see the hands pointing to the roman numerals. I had to assume it was dark enough in the mousoleum to satisfy my needs.
Ya know, ive never liked these vampire stereotypes. Like, "vampires burn in the sun" or "just hold a cross and the vampire cant touch you." First off, fuck you Bram Stoker. We dont burn in the sun. And we dont sparkle either. No clue who came up with that. What happens is we absorb UV much quicker and our cells die off so they dont become cancerous. We dont burst into flames, were just MUCH more prone to sunburn. And with the whole "being dead" thing, we dont heal quickly unless youre a noble. Only nobles can heal that quick because they have access to advanced medicine. And we need the iron in blood to survive. Fresh blood tastes best because its warm. Not because its living. Who doesnt like warm food? So hop off with this "blood is life" shit. We only need three cups a day anyways you shits give more at blood drives.
And finally, lets get this whole religion shit out of the way. Were dead, we've seen what happens when you die. Its dark, and theres a rare case that your psyche stays intact after death while the rest of your molecules are being transferred to another body or planet or galaxy. Matter is neither created nor destroyed people. Its just there. But theres a rarer case in which your body stays prettybwell together too. We call this Infinitum. In which your body is just there. You can think and shit. But if your muscles were damaged in your death, your fucked. You have to relearn most of what your bodys muscle memory has forgotten. Like breathing, and it can take millennia to teach tour body to heal.
And as far as staying inside all the time, do you honestly think that with all this shit. With all this risk, that wed go outside? You humans can break limbs, get hit by cars, get shot. Hell, if you're stupid enough you could buttfuck a billy goat and survive. But as long at you survive, you can heal, for us its the opposite. Only WE CANT HEAL!!! So of course were gonna stay inside.
But thats enough about us. Lets talk about the real freaks.
