S.M.S(Save My Soul)

Chapter 23: Dead men tell no tales

"Belle if you don't open this door I swear I'll break it," Malcolm threatened but his voice was far from threatening rather it sounded like he was in pain as I was. 

I couldn't even yell at him to go away as I sat there on the floor with my knees pressed against my chest crying my eyes out and causing myself a splitting headache.

For the life of me, I couldn't understand why Malcolm was so patient with me and I couldn't understand why he was still causing a ruckus outside my bedroom door even when the evening rolled around.

"I remember the last time I confronted my rapist," he sighed finally resorting to just talking to me as he realised I wasn't going to open the door," It went better than I hoped but I'm not proud of what I did to him but because I let my anger take control I ended up being the last thing he saw," Malcolm said with a pause a slight crack in his voice. I waited for his next words attentively shortening my sniffs and sobs to focus on nothing else but his soothing voice.

"The hardest part was coming down from my rage fogged mind. Watching the life drain from his eyes was the most painful thing I have to relive every single night. I can't fall asleep without my sleeping tablets. Otherwise, if I close my eyes even for a second all I see is nothing more than those dead calculating eyes. Belle, I can't imagine how you're feeling right now or how much pain you're in but trust me when I say keeping it all bottled up is the worst thing you could do," his voice was nothing more than that of a broken man trying to rebuild himself.

I hated how much we had to suffer and for God knows what? Most people spend their entire lives suffering and I know the saying goes "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but that's not always the case. Sometimes people can't handle the pain and they kill themselves or inflict their pain onto others to make them feel what they feel. 

Just because I understood why people hurt each other didn't mean I was going to go on a personal vendetta to make everyone feel the pain I was in, no that would be considered selfish no matter how tempting it was. I would never wish my pain upon another living being because that's just the way I was.

Malcolm was in pain and he took it out on the man who gave him that pain. He wasn't justifying his wrongs but he was apologizing for his unjust actions and he probably will be apologizing until the day he died and that guilt will be the deciding factor of where his soul is sent; Heaven or Hell.

No one could blame him for what he did, he was just a kid with too much pent up anger and emotions that was instantly released in one moment and on a person he hated most no less which just made the situation worse. I'm sure all he saw that day was red and nothing but that, he was angry beyond a shadow of a doubt but most of all he was hurt which was a catastrophic combination that only ended in bloodshed.

"P.B you know shit happens to everyone and it's what you do after that determines what type of a person you want to be. I did a very bad thing Belle which makes me a very bad person but I know you are nothing but the purest among all the rotten fruits in the world, that's what I love most about you. You always see the good in people no matter what and that's a feature everyone admires about you, you're one of the good ones in this messed up world so don't you dare let one bad thing twindle that magnificent smile of yours," I was in tears once more after his speech and not from what happened earlier but rather from what he said that was spoken from the heart and spoke volume.

He spoke about me as if he held me on a peddle stool which made my heart feel such a rash. I couldn't explain how it beat him in that very second. My chest bloomed in warmth as I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand before I stood up on shaky legs. I breathed out heavily staring at the locked door imagining how Malcolm looked on the other side of the door.