Feel Better || SovAme

Chapter Six

⚠️Lots of angst, bad Self harm, hospitals, mention of psych wards⚠️

3rd person pov

He sat there shaking against his door once again, goosebumps covering his skin. The pit in his stomach grows. His eyes widen as tears start streaming down. A loud sob escaping his voice he falls to his knees, heeling over and letting the tears fall all the way down his face. As the bandages slowly loosen themselves. America looks through his blurry vision, seeing the red, scarred skin on his arms he falls back into the only way he knows how to cope. Grabbing a shorter knife from the kitchen he rips the bandages off. Raising the knife to his arm he pushed in, deeper than he had the last few times. It didn't pearl or bead, it just started dripping down his arms onto the cold tile. It was the worst pain he had ever felt. The salty tears that dripped from his face sting when they fall into the cut. He picks up the knife again and cuts deeper once again. This time letting out a painful scream. The knife cut into his arms as he cried out in pain. Sadness over taking him. The eerie painful silence that existed right outside of his cries painfully ringed in his ears.
The world seemed to stop, he was completely utterly alone. And he was terrified of that fact.

Pain surged through his body, tears flowing down his eyes, he felt sick to his stomach as he looked at the tattered mess that was his arms. The ringing silence gets louder, his head starts to spin. He falls forward placing his hands down right in front of him as the pit in his stomach became the larger sensation of puking as he stared threw blurry vision at the massacre that happened to him. The dizziness gets worse and his head slams into the hard floor. His vision goes black. His cries stop and the ringing silence fills the room once more.

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Beep................. Beep................. Beep................. Beep

Bright light makes America open his eyes, he first notices the throbbing pain from his head. Second, the windows that were never in his apartment before, and finally he comes to.

"Fuck, I went to far." He whispered to himself as he took in the scenery of a hospital. An Iv was placed to his left, heart monitor to his right, chairs around the room. Each one of them, empty. The Blue medical gown, and the bandages on his arms makes him remember the events from the night clearer. A knock on the door breaks the short silence that America had.

"Oh, you're awake. That's good to see." A shorter female doctor walks in with a clipboard. "You must be very confused. You are currently at the hospital as you can tell. Your neighbor heard a loud thud and we were called to check on you, you were passed out so we took you here and stitched you up."

"So when can I go home?" America asked, he didn't want to be here, let alone did he need to be here.

"Oh well, not soon. We discovered you  after you self harmed. You are a danger to yourself, we have limited you to a psych ward." The doctor states

America's face falls, "I have to go there? I don't want to, I just want to go home." He had heard stories of the daily therapist visits, how they make you eat all your food, how they force the meds down your throat, and how the only way to get out is to lie. Pretending that you are all better.

"Yes sir, you do have to go to a psych ward. It is in your and our best interest that you stay safe." The doctor continues, "Once you heal a little better we will send you to the actual mental hospital, for now until your recovery you will have to stay here. Of Course visitors are allowed if you want to have your family contacted we can arrange that for you."

"No, I'm good without them." America blurts out.

"Oh, it's not often that a patient wants to be left alone, do you have any friends or significant others you want us to contact?"

In response America shakes his head no, the doctor asks a few more questions before handing him a menu.

"This is what you can choose for your lunch, I've heard that the soup is pretty good if you need a recommendation." The doctor smiles, America smiles back the best he can. It wasn't like he wanted to eat, if anything he wanted to fall asleep.

Pointing to a tomato soup and carbonated water, America says, "Just these please." He gives the doctor a just as cheap smile.

"Good choices! We will have a nurse come up with your medications and your lunch." The doctor takes a quick note on a clipboard before handing it up on the wall and leaving. America looks at the table to his side. His phone was there charging. Reaching for it as usual there are no texts. He unlocks his phone and messes around on the few games he had on there.

There was a kock on the door once again and this time a blond male nurse stepped into the room carrying a tray.

"Here's your food and your medications." He places the tray to where america could sit and eat in his bed, a napkin had his medication on it. 3 pills, two small white ones and one larger one. America glanced up at the nurse before sighing and taking his meds. He hated the taste of medication in his mouth, when he did have medicine he would always throw it away at home. But he wasn't at home, he was in a hospital all alone.

"Open your mouth, I need to make sure you took them." The nurse said, America complied. Once the nurse was satisfied he walked out of the room leaving America alone once again. He picked up the spoon they gave him, he wasn't yet hungry so he just poked around the food. Swirling it, picking it up and pouring it back into the bowl. He looked as if he was waiting for something amazing to happen.   

Finally he gave in, "I should probably eat something..." while he didn't have an appetite he started eating the partially cold soup. It wasn't the worst he's had, but it wasn't good either. He ate a little bit of the food and drank the cheap carbonated water.  He moved the small "table" to the floor before laying down, closing his eyes and falling asleep, in the cold hospital room. Alone and scared

(A/N: I know two chapters in one week!! I know crazy but I finished this chapter really early so I decided to post it!!)