Cashier:
Ren: Alright that's everything do you collect stickers for a free knife-set?
Person: U-uh I don't speak English.
Ren: ...... But you're literally speaking English-
———-
Ren: Since you're buying sigarets can i see your ID?
Person: Huh? But i'm 20.
Ren: Heheh, if you're 20 then i'm 55. Show me your f***ing ID please.
————
Ren: *talking to a communication-device thing* Hey guys does one of you know where the morning-after pills are? There's a 14 year old girl— *realizes the whole store hears this* U-uhm, i'm gonna lose my job... Heheh....
————
Ren: Alright that'll be 20 dollars.
Person: *gives her 50 dollars* There you go, 50 dollars.
Ren:....... *SLAP*
————
Ren: Hi did you get ev— Leo?
Leo: Aaand what's a cutie like you doing here~?
Ren: *checking out the items* Roasting the customers cuz i'm not payed enough to deal with karens. You?
Leo: Ah ya know, Mikey needed some stuff for pizza.
Ren: Mhm, tell him i said hi. That'll be 15 dollars.
Leo: I have another way for that~
Ren: What are you-
Leo: *kisses her*
Ren: ...... That'll still be 15 dollars.
Leo: Oof-
———-
Butler:
Ren: Here's your order.
Person: Huh? There's nothing on the plate.
Ren: True, you ordered it without meat, sauce, vegetables, gluten, lactose and spices, which leaves pretty much nothing on the plate. So enjoy our dish of delicious air~!
———-
Person: So how is the lobster, does it taste fine?
Ren: Well, it comes from the sea so it'll taste like the sea, not fine.
———-
Ren: Alright, who ordered a glass of water?
Person: I did, but i ordered without the ice
Ren: Oh. *takes the ice out of the glass with her hand* Here you go.
———-
Dentist:
Ren: Ok next up is Lisa Smith, i believe you're here for braces?
Lisa: My parents told me i don't need braces
Ren: Eheh, you sure?
———-
Ren: *checking the patient's teeth* So when was the time you flossed your teeth?
Patient: Uuh, i think yesterday evening.
Ren: I can literally see that you had spaghetti with meatballs so don't lie to me.
———-
Ren: *checking the teeth* So how was your vacation?
Patient: Bdbdndjkdkfjdns—
Ren: Can you stop talking i'm checking your teeth.
Patient: .......
Ren: Thanks. So how was your vacation?
———-
Lifeguard:
Ren: *at the microphone* Goodmorning everyone, i just wanna let you all know that people without their swimming-diploma are not allowed to swim in the deep-zone cuz i'm not in the mood to rescue and to feel the constant pain while i transform-
Person: Wait transform into what?
Ren:..... Just stay away if you can't swim unless you wanna die!
———-
Kid: Miss i lost my mommy!
Ren: *smiles* Then go find her.
———-
Ren: Oi you in those green shorts, there's literally a huge a** sign that says no running! So you better stop that ok? *death glare* Or i'll tell your friends that you had to stand in the corner. Stop that you little spawn of a-
———-
Person: Help my child is drowning!
Ren: Of course not! He's just having fun floating on his stomach.
Person: For 15 minutes?!
Ren: Well your child has great lungs then.
———-
Mikey: *swim ring floats away* My donut!
Ren: Stay there! *gets the donut and gives it to him*
Mikey: Oh thank goodness *hugs it* Thanks Ren!
Person: Wait you saved his swim ring but not my child?!
Ren: This cinnamon roll's happiness is more important than your child ma'am if you continue being a karen then take your child and leave.
Mikey: Wait wha-
———-
Leo: So, babe, if i drown you would save me right?
Ren: *sigh* If that's gonna be a prank Leon i will drown you myself.
Donnie: PLEASE do that.
Leo: But like, what if i drown for real?
Ren: I'd give you CPR.
Leo: I'd gladly accept that, since you look hot in that swimsuit~
Ren: ...... I changed my mind you can go drown now.
Donnie: HA-
Raph: *WHEEZE*
———-
Policewoman:
Person: Help my bike has been stolen!
Ren: Oh did you lock your bike?
Person: Uh no-
Ren: Then it's your fault your bike's stolen.
———-
Ren: *holds pepperspray* This is the police! You better cooperate or i'll spray—
Person: Hahahahahh 'Or i'll spray'
Ren: *tries not to laugh* Ok that's what she said.
———-
Co-worker: Hey Ren, that drugs-stock you took away what did you do with it?
Ren: Uhh i destroyed it as always.
Co-worker: What are those leaves in your cup then?
Ren: ...... Mint-tea
———-
Ren: Ma'am you're not cooperating so i'll have to chain you up— *has the fluffy handcuffs* Wait where did these come from—
———-
Co-worker: Well here's the guy that's been murdered.
Ren: Oh dang.
Co-worker: Wait you know him?
Ren: Yea that's my ex (not Leo)
Co-worker: Oh i'm so sorry
Ren: Nah nothing to worry about he deserved it anyway.
