The Cure || Harry Styles

Chapter 12

 I walked down the street, hands stuffed inside my pockets, eyes searching for Jane. She said she'd be home in an hour. I swallow the lump in my throat, my eyes wandering around until I step on something--someone.

An ear piercing scream left my lips as I stared at Jane's bloody face. ''What..how...Jane!'' I'm on my knees, hauling her body into my arms, desperately trying to wake her up. ''No, no, no, no. Jane, baby, please open your eyes.'' I cried, holding her face in my hands. I wipe away the blood covering her pale cheeks, her body temperature contrasting mine. Ice cold.''Jane! Jane open your eyes!''

I look around, blinking away my tears, trying to spot someone. No one was there. I was all alone in the middle of the street, the sky suddenly dark, Jane dead in my arms.

I scream and scream, feeling my throat rip apart, my voice cracking, tears showering my face, hitting Jane's face.

+

   I jolt awake, cold sweat covering most of skin, my breath ragged and my heart thumping heavily against my chest. It took me a second to realize that it was just a dream. I place my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down. I palm my eyes sockets until I start seeing colored patterns. The duvet is pushed away and I am out of my room in a matter of seconds.

I push my bathroom's door open, switching the light on. I squint but move to the sink. The cold water relaxes me, braining life back to my body. I gasp, leaning against the sink for support.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Do not think about it.

I don't know what to do as I search for something to distract myself. I don't want to mourn, I don't want to cry, and I don't want to remember.  I sometimes wish I could delete everything, start a new chapter, and simply move on. But this is reality, and it's being a fucking bitch at the moment.

The next couple of things happen in blur. What I remember was being inside my apartment, but according to my eyes, I am standing outside my apartment, in front of Alex's, my fists hurriedly knocking on her door. I bite on my lip, anxiously debating if I should go back home. It's pretty late and she'd probably be sleeping right now.

What was I thinking?

Just as I turn to leave, the door opens ever so slightly, revealing a frowning Alex. She relaxes when she sees me, opening the door wider. ''Harry?'' She whispered. ''What are you doing here?''

''I..I don't know. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. Go back to sleep. Sorry.'' I stutter, running a hand through my hair.

Alex chuckles, shaking her head in amusement.''I wasn't even sleeping. Come on in,'' She flickered her head to the side, and I walk in, a hint of a smile on my lips.

''Why are you here, not that I mind, but it's,'' she glances at the clock hung on the wall. ''three in the morning.''

''Bad dream.'' I answer, sitting on the couch. I place my elbows on my knees, face in my hands.

''Do you want to talk about it?'' She softly asked, sitting next to me.

Do I want to talk about it? I don't know, but I found myself muttering an okay.

''Wait,'' She says and stands up. She disappears into the kitchen, returning with two bottles of beer. I slightly smile, shaking my head at her. She shrugged, smiling back. ''Let's talk on the balcony. The weather is nice.''

I follow her out, sighing in relief when the slightly cold air hits my boiling skin. I walk to the railings, leaning against them as Alex hands me a bottle. I thank her, popping the lid off, raising the bottle to my lips. The cold liquid feels like heaven on my tongue, and I gulp half of it. ''My girlfriend died about a year ago.'' I say, fixing my eyes on the cars passing by below us. They move in a blur as Alex gasps, placing her hand over her mouth.

''I'm so sorry for your loss, Harry.''

''It's funny how the whole death thing is. She's probably at a better place and I feel like the one whose dead. Ironic, eh?'' I frown, my eyebrows pinching together. ''And I can't even do shit about it. I lost a part of myself losing her.''

Alex looks like she doesn't know what to say, encouraging me further. This is good. This feels so good.

''I wish I was dead instead of her. She had a bright future ahead of her, and I was just...me. Useless and all. It's unfair that she had to go before it was her right time. It hurts my mind just thinking about it.''

''What...what happened to her?'' Alex whispered, looking at the side of my face. A dry, humorless laugh escapes my lips as I answer.

''She got raped and killed by a couple of drunk fucks.''

''I don't know what to say, Harry. I'm really so, so sorry.''

''Figured you might be,'' I distractedly mutter under my breath. ''How are you?'' I change the subject, my chest feeling like it weighs a ton.

Alex looks surprised by my sudden question, making me  smile. ''Well?''

''I feel okay. I mean, yeah, I feel okay.'' She coughs, blinking a few times before looking at my eyes. ''How are you?''

''I'm okay, Alex.''

''You don't have to be all the time. You've helped me a fair amount of times, you've seen me at my worse. It's okay to be weak sometimes.''

''Okay, I'm not okay.''

''Figured you might be.''

''Someone told me that it's okay not to be okay.'' Alex nudged me, earning a soft laugh.

''Well, he's pretty shitty at practicing his advice's. He should get out more.'' I say, chuckling at Alex's expression.

''I'll be sure to tell him that.''

''Thanks.''

''For what?''

''Making me feel okay. Well, at this very moment, I feel okay. Like, woah I'm okay, kind of okay,'' I wrinkle my nose. ''That didn't make any sense.''

''No,'' Alex shakes her head, laughing at me. ''You're okay, Harry.''

''So are you. I'm being serious, Alex. I promise you're okay.'' My tone changes and I'm clutching Alex's shoulders, staring deeply into her wide eyes.

She surprises me by wrapping her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest as she squeezed. ''Thank you.'' She breathed.

I hug her back, placing my chin on top of her head as I stroke her back. I plant a kiss on her head, before her squeezing her against me one more time. ''I'll make sure everything turns out okay. I promise.''