The Stare

Chapter 1

I was 9 when it all started. I was in my room and my mom was sitting on the other side of the bed.
"Are you gonna be okay? "

"I dont know. "

"Okay Bay, well if you need me i just want you to know i love you. And if you need me ill always be here. " She walked out of the room. Right...always.... She was never there. I was tossed around in my family. I lived with my mom first, then i lived with my grandma. When i left, my grandpa died.

I flopped down on my bed and thought to myself what I was going to do with the rest of my life, then the doorbell rang. I sat up. My mom beat me to the door before I could see who it was. She opened the door, took a glance at the figure, and slammed it.
"Bay, your dads here. " she said with dissapointment in her voice. I walked outside and sat next to my dad on the front porch.
"Sup Mama. "

"Hi Daddy. "

"Do you know what happened? "

"Yes. "

"Really, " i nodded my head. " then what happened? " I was 9 not stupid.

"Grandpa died. "

"Are you upset about that? " At that time I didnt realize or understand what happened. Yea i knew he was gone... but not gone for good.
"No. "

"So you... dont wanna cry, or scream, or yell, or punch, or kick, or g..."

"No daddy i just want to go to my room. "

"Alright I just want you to know that ill always be there for you and i love you so much. "

"I love you too daddy. " i hugged him and went inside. I walked into my room and got in the bed.
   My memories skipped to where i locked myself in my room and cried all day. I was left alone no food to eat, No electronic devices, and i missed my grandpa. I finally realized it. He was NEVER ever coming back. I cried my eyeballs dry.

  My memories flipped a few pages. I ran up the steps in my cheer outfit to say Happy Birthday to my bestie. "Allex!! " I helled
"I'm in here! " he yelled back. I ran inside of his room.

"Happy Birthday! " we both announced to each other. Yes our birthday was on the same day. I put my cheerleading bag down by the door. I went into it and took out a wrapped present. I gave it to him. He smiled. He turned 16 and i turned 11. I thought if i gave him something that would help him in the future it would make him happy. He unwrapped the football. His grin was so big. He was cute and all before this day a gentleman who was my best friend, but i secretly had a crush on him.

"I have a surprise for you too. " he said taking his shirt off.

"What is it? "

he walked over to me and grabbed my waist. I had never kissed anyone. I was still a baby, i didn't even curse i was a goody girl. I had all A's and B's and everything.

"Wha..."

he kissed me. I tried pushing him off of me but he was way to muscular for me. He then backed away.
"Im sorry Bay. "

"Its okay its just that I've never had a kiss before. "

" I wasn't done. "

he said firmly. My cheeks got warm. I was scared.
•••

  He forced me onto the bed as I struggled to get away. He slapped me.

"Stop that or the next one will be worse. "

  I didn't want to get hit and gave bruises everywhere but I refused to get raped. I kept scrambling and screaming and he continued hitting me. He tied my hands and my legs to the bed and I screamed when he entered my body because I was only 11. I was so small and delicate, like glass and he broke it. There was blood everywhere. I cried. I cried because it hurt and because I didn't understand why he would do this. When he was done he put me in the tub and washed me up. I wasnt crying. I couldn't. The one word that was scratched into my brain was why. Nothing else but why. I had no expression on my face, and didn't move. He said my name a few times. I didn't answer or look at him, I just looked straight ahead. I did what he said and that was that.

  It was still Friday. I just had to hang in there until Monday. He told me to go downstairs with his mother and eat, I went but I didn't eat. I sat there and stared at my food. Five minutes later he came downstairs. He looked at me then began eating. He stopped when his mother left to get the cornbread.

"Im sorry Baby. I didn't mean for it to be that way. "

..... I looked at him, smiled, laughed and a tear came rolling down my cheek. That was funny. That was fucked up. I wanted to choke him but didnt have enough strength time and courage to do so. My smile died down. His mother walked in and I slowly turned my head back towards my plate. He looked at me again and I whiped my face.

"Why y'all so quiet? It's y'all birthday. Ain't yall supposed to be happy?"

"Mom were fine."

"Baby you gonna eat your food? "
  I got up from the table and went upstairs. I ran into the guest room and looked for a place to hide. I saw the restroom, window, and a closet. The closet was dark, but it was too small. So I went in for the window. I climbed up to the top and stood in the middle of the roof.

I felt my face and realized I was still crying. I couldn't believe that Allex would do something like that. And if he would why did it have to be me. What did I do to deserve this. I got bullied but I respected them and helped them when they needed it. I didn't get at thank you nor was I expecting one. I just wanted to fit in.

I looked at my watch, it was 9:48. I looked up at the stars and my eyes began to burn. I quickly looked down and it began to rain. I laid down and just thought about when my life was going to change. Never was the first thing that came up. Later I began thinking about other things.

I didn't sleep but I just laid In tge rain.

• • •
Soon I couldn't see the moon and I saw a layer of orange in the sky. It was finally Saturday. I felt my heart jump.

  I got up and went back through the window. I saw my belongings by the door. I got my phone out of my bag and searched up 24hour Gyms. There were two,7 miles from here. I looked in the mirror and I was soaking wet. I took my clothes off and turned the shower on. I sat in the tub while the water hit my face. I hated myself just like everyone else. I wanted to kill myself. And I was going to.