The Stare

Chapter 2

Why did I search for a gym. I was kinda dumb. I thought ' Im not strong enough, so if im strong I won't feel so bad ' . You'd think I was a smart 11 year old, I didn't know love could make you hate. I still loved him, I was just dissapointed, scared, and ashamed of him. When you're in love, you think, ' why is he doing this, i love you, i didn't mean it, please stop hurting me.', and thats exactly how I felt.

I was very, very, very tired, but I was determined to get to the gym. I walked down the first street. Now that I think about it I was one weird kid. If I could, I would go back and tell myself that it wouldn't work. Even if I could i dont think that would have stopped me.

I  walked into the gym. It was a public gym so anyone could go in. I figured for the other gyms I would have to have a card because my mom has to use hers to get in. The easiest thing in there for me to even try to use was the treadmill.

" Excuse me Sir, could you please start this up for me?" I whispered with a raspy voice.

"Sure." he was a nice man. Well he seemed like it.

"Thank you." I jumped on the treadmill as it was moving and started walking on it.

This part is a little blurry to me.  I just remember running for a long time. Then afterwards I passed out a few times. When I got up the second time I started to wonder why they would put the treadmill here if it was only making me weaker. I stopped the the treadmill and went to lift weights. I struggled over and over again to lift up the ten pound weights. I stopped and crawled into the corner of the room crying . I thought it was hopeless. I thought I couldn't get strong and that I could only hurt. Everything on my body hurt, my feelings hurt, my soul hurt. Before I cried myself to sleep I decided to live with the pain.

I woke up still at the gym. I looked at my foggy watch. My arms and legs were sore. My stomach hurt because I didn't eat. I got up and walked back to Allex's house. His mom was crying on the steps outside.

" Oh my god, Bay, thank goodness you're okay!" she huged me tight and I began to cry because she was squeezing me too tight.

" Don't you ever leave me without my permission, do you understand? "

I knoded my head and when inside.

I went upstairs and Allex followed me. I ran in the guest room and locked the door behind me. As he knocked, I grabbed my Mp3 and played music loudly in my ears. It was 3:26 pm. I laid down on my bed and went to sleep.

When I  woke up I had bags under my eyes and my body was sore, swollen, and stiff. It was 1:58 am.  I was hungry, but I refused to eat. I wanted to make him worry. I wanted to make him realize that he hurt me so I stopped eating. I went to the restroom sink and cupped my hands to drink water. It tased sweet to me. I gulped over and over again until I was full. I sat in the bed and looked at the ceiling. I smelled bad. I went in the restroom and threw up. I didn't know what was wrong with me but my head and my chest hurt. I ran the hot water in the tub and grabbed my inhaler. I was so cold but I was sweating. I put soap in while the water was running to make a buble bath. I went back to my bag and got my inhaler, just in case.

"Baby, im sorry. " he cried. I wasn't talking to him.