25 minutes

How it started x how it ended

'Bring me back to life because I've been dying everyday since then.' he pleaded.

It had been nine months now since we went our separate ways but both of us are still stuck in that moment.

Nine months ago, he saw me standing beside another guy. A guy he usually call brother because of the bond they built together. And I guess from here, I'm going to share it to you detail by detail.

Approximately 21 years ago, when we were 4 years old, we became playmates. He would come over to our house and we would eat our favorite cookies.

At the age of sixteen, he became my first boyfriend, which was quite surprising because we didn't go to the same school.

18, we attended the same university and became stronger than ever.

Not until my twentieth birthday.

We got lost in translation and our careers kept us from seeing each other and life just made love look complicated and hard. Pretty hard.

We broke up and it was him who took his time off. He left me in complete daze. I tried to move on but I missed him more and more in the process. I guess missing him is a phase of moving on which was the hardest part of it all. It's hard to just consider them as memories. That time, I can't even say memories out loud because that's what letting go makes you feel. It makes you remember what you want to forget in almost everything. To exaggerate the thought, his face was everywhere. Even in the mirror.

At first, I didn't want to do anything about it. I had this 'just in case' mindset where I should be throwing away all his things the way he gave up while I was still falling so hard. But I did not. In fact, I gathered up all his things and put them in their drawers and told myself, 'I'll keep it just in case he's looking in his mirror one day and miss my arms and the way they're wrapped around his waist and I'll say that he could love me again and I'll leave the door open for him.'

There was a time when they are forcing me to move on and I would always smile and say, 'He'll come back, if I must say so myself'. I was that clingy and mushy.

I was naive.

I was a fool.

Hurt me a million times, shoot me with your gun, push me down the railroad, do everything that could possibly kill me and I would still love you unconditionally.

But at the age of 21, we got over it and became the best of friends.

He introduced me to a guy and we related so well.

Long story short, this guy became the man of my dreams. We didn't go in circles. We didn't do the same mistakes.

4 years later, there I was. I was wearing a wedding dress. 'I am going to live my life in peace now. I will settle with the man of my dreams', I told myself that day.

The ceremony started and no one dared to stop it.

When we finally exchanged vows, I took a glance at the guests who were waiting for us to kiss then a guy who was crying caught me. I narrowed my eyes and saw that it was my best friend. I avoided his gaze and looked at my husband.

The magical true love's kiss finally happened.

After the pictorial and stuff, I went to my best friend whose eyes were red and puffy.

'I'm happy for you.', he said, shooting me a sad smile.

'Are you really happy?' I held his hands but he scoot away.

'I was 25 minutes too late and I can't do anything anymore. You're his and he is yours. A dream that I kept on dreaming but now, I'm hopeless. When we broke up, I waited for you to stop me. I never really got over it. I love you all these years. When you two got together, I was trying to push him away so I could just make my move again. But a friend was all I ever was to you back then.', he cried again as I shifted uncomfortably.

'But-', he cut me off when I was about to say something.

'Bring me back to life because I've been dying everyday since then.', he pleaded.

'I'm so sorry.' The words escaped my lips just when the tears fell helplessly. I ran away and did not look back. It was too much for me to take in. I love him but I love my husband even more.

Timing is indeed a funny thing.

Nine months and I could still recall it so vividly. And now, we're stuck and we can't do anything anymore. But I do hope he's fine. I really do hope he's doing well.

I hope that soon enough, I'll be able to see him smile the way he used to smile at me.

I also hope that someday, we'll be okay.